Once upon a time, there was a fairy tale princess.
The fairy tale princess was a not very happy. Her father was a alcholic whose advisors plotted against him by night and her mother was a ditz chosen for for her (now fading) beauty to breed. There were also rumors of the queen having an affair with the fat cook. Whether the queen's waist was thickening from the child or concoctions of the cook was anyone's guess. Besides, the king was too drunk to notice anyways, so no one paid much attention. There were two older brothers who tried to poison and smother and stab each other for control of the throne. That's really typical and expected, so no one cares what their names are either.
Anyways, back the fairy tale princess. Her name was Lisette. She was a strange little girl. Her dumb, buxom, shallow mother had dyed her hair the 'color of spun gold' to make her more fairy tale princess-ish, and made her wear pink frocks and ribbons in her hair. After the mother's affair started, no one dyed the girl's hair anymore, and now her black roots showed and her pink frock was smeared with dirt. One day she was out in the stables slapping the boxed in horses and comtemplating slashing her wrists with a pretty, shiny piece of metal she found, when a little man appeared out of no where.
"I will spin all those bales of hay into gold if you give me your child"
Lisette stared at the little man, then at the pretty, shiny piece of metal in her hand, and stabbed him with it in the eye.
Later, when the stable master found the little man howling and cursing, with blood all over the haystacks, he asked Lisette why she stabbed him in the eye. She said, "His eye was the softest thing on his head." The next day, the little man was gone and rumor had it that the king had destroyed all evidence that showed that his little girl was anything but normal. The whole family smiled and pretended nothing happened.
When they got home, however, Lisette's father threw gin bottles at her, but since he was inebriated, he missed most of the time, so Lisette was unharmed. Her mother tried to tell her what she did was very unladylike, but Lisette shouted that she was a 'hypocritical obese wh*re' and ran out of the room. She ran into her brothers on the way out, and thought that brother 1 would probably choke her until she was unconcious like usual, but brother 2 nudged brother 1 and shook his head, and instead they ran off with a scared look on their face.
Lisette grinned. For the first time, she was happy. She wandered through the castle, grinning, and finally reached the edge of their gardens where a small path led into the deep, dark, woods. Lisette skipped along, kicking rabbits and squirrels out of her way. She came to a small clearing where a group of small huts stood. She torced the huts made of straw and sticks, disdainfully cursing the stupidity of the owners and smiling as the squeals and yelps that came from inside segued into the much more pleasant sounds of sizzling bacon. There would be dinner later.
She stopped in front of the brick house, scoffed, filled her apron with decomposing pig manure from the little pig's own back yard, tied a knot, soaked the knot with gasoline, and lit it with a twig from the burning house of sticks. The fertilizer bomb exploded, trapping the third pig inside under a mountain of bricks.
And so she went through the neighborhood, with tear gas grenades and her M249 light machine gun, torching huts, spraying bullets, and enslaving any survivors.
She surveyed her prisoners: A little old lady and a group of children stood with their hands up outside a foul-smelling, burning leather shoe, an ugly, pug-nosed little girl with a red cape and a cross-dressing wolf, five (2 were caught by some random bullets) perverted old men with their 20 year old 'maid', 2 bears (Lisette had shot the little one for crying), and some others. Suddenly, looking at all the destruction she had caused, the other stupid fairy tale characters covered with ash, and the control she had over them, Lisette had an epiphany. She set up a cocaine factory, with the children growing the coco plants and the other characters as her workers, and became one of the biggest drug dealers in the kingdom. She bought the loyalty of her father's subjects, lead a coalition against him, stormed the castle, killed her family, and sat on the throne for the rest of her days, over seeing what eventually became one of the largest drug cartels in the country side.
The moral of this story is, don't read stories that start with once upon a time, because they're a waste of time and usually full of crap.