I fucking hate everyone.

There's not a single person you can count on in this world.

I can't believe this semester is almost over.

It's been a very emotionaly tumultuous weekend.

Maybe because real life sucks so much right now, my dream world is getting more vivid than ever.

Not that these dreams are particularly pleasant, but they're at least exciting and full of different types of conflict.
Maybe I'm getting bored with real life. It's the same thing every week over and over. work class work meetings impractice work class meetings meetings tests projects fun fun fun.

The only way I can live anymore is through dreams.

Last night I had another movie-like dream. It was about ants. I had bought this beautiful beautiful house that was so prettily furnished. I think I was living with some friends, although I don't remember who. (it's weird, in dreams, I never really have a personal connection with anyone. They're just in the story)

We were unpacking, and suddenly someone notices a lot of ants in the kitchen. They're crawling everywhere. This makes me upset, but it's nothing too unusual, so we call an exterminator and they get rid of the ants, saying we probably just had a nest in the walls or something.

In the next few hours after the exterminator leaves, more and more ants come out. It's disgusting, like something you would see in a movie. They were crawling in streams on walls, on the floors, on counters. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.

Finally we called a specialist and they said we could not leave the house, or the ants would attack us. We had to sleep on card table like things and coat the legs of the table with petroleum jelly so the ants could not climb up it and so we would not get bitten at night.

That's all I remember. There was also an earlier segment of the dream were Lucy Liu's head gets chopped off and thrown in the water. I remember falling down a cliff also.

I think my dreams are starting to get too crazy. I need some excitement in my real life to balance out my dream world.

I'm tired.

Not even exhausted physically tired... just numb tired.

I had another unhappy, violent dream last night.

Only this time, I was beaten and bruised. I think I was on a mission to do something; I wore all black - black turtleneck, black pants, black boots, hair in ponytail. Then as I was walking xome gang/mafia/bastards all in black also appeared out of nowhere in an alley, attacked me, and beat the crap out of me. They were ruthless, kicking and punching. I don't know why I didn't scream out for help; maybe I thought it'd be useless?

When I managed to stumble home (into my old house, for some reason) and looked at myself in the mirror, there were purple and black bruises everywhere, even on my face. I hurt a lot. There was no one in the house and no one to help me. I fell on the bed and blacked out.

When I woke up in the dream, I didn't remember what happened; I just saw blurry images of me curled up on the ground trying to block blows raining down from above.

I woke up this morning sore as hell, and for a moment the dream felt almost real. Then I remembered the soreness was from basketball practice with ABSA last night. For awhile though, the pain seemed fitting.

What I remember most from the dream was how horrible it felt
to be alone with no one to protect me.

school is almost over.
almost over
thank god
i want thanksgiving break now now now.

I realize I am not an 'alone' person.
I can not stand to be alone.
can not can not can not.
I can't study alone, go out alone, shop alone, buy groceries alone.
I like to be with people.
wah.

I'm just not as happy this semester.

So many things and people have disappointed me.
Everything I do just seems to be a chore.

I had the weirdest dream last night. surprise.

But really, it was quite neato. It was like a mix of the movies Kill Bill and Matrix. So it wasn't very pleasant, but very suspenseful and exciting. ANd bloody.
Very, very bloody.

It started in my old neighborhood, where I lived until I was 13. I was just kind of dropped there on the street, and I remember looking around and reminescing. The sky was cloudy. I looked across the street at my grandparents' house. My grandparents on my mom's side lived right next door to us, and they practically raised me. I started wondering what I was doing back here again.

Suddenly time fast-forwarded and it got dark. When I looked over at my grandparent's house from the sidewalk this time, there was a big bonfire. The garage was in flames, the roof was caving in, the driveway had boxes and miscellaneous stuff piled up and burning. I was shocked, and I looked closer and saw three female figures writhing around the flames.

I ran towards the house, and I saw these Chinese girls were a little older than me and had heavy make-up on, but were still very pretty. One wore a bright pink silk chi2 pao2 and had her hair in two buns (I think she's a Tekken2 character), one had her long, flowing hair down and wore black tights layered on black fishnet hose and a cut up turtleneck sweater. The other one wore a white robe with her hair in a pony tail and was a lot quieter.

They were throwing stuff into the fire to make it bigger, not trying to stop it it. They even had fireworks piled on the side they were setting off towards the house. Each time something caught and burst into flames, they would laugh girlishly and wickedly.

When I saw what they were doing to my grandparents' old house, I got SO incredibly ANGRY. How could they do this?? Who they hell were they? I tried to calm down. Luckily this was in the future and no one lived there anymore, but I was still so, so pissed.

I got to the fire and the girls, grabbed a bunch of huge roman candle things, and aimed it at the nearest girl, holding the wick near the fire.
"Who the hell are you and what the f*CK are you doing?"

They just laughed at me and threw more things in the fire. Even though I had intended to set off those fireworks at the girl's face, I didn't have the guts and threw it back down. They laughed even harder. Frustrated and desperate, I ran into the house to see if anyone was inside.

The whole house was falling apart, and I ran through the rooms calling out for people. No one was there, and suddenly I saw the kitchen. I instinctively ran towards the drawer where all the kitchen knives were held, and yanked it open. Jackpot. Inside was a wide array of steak knives, butcher knives, those sharp bbq prong things, etc. I decided against the butcher knife (too clumsy) and pulled out a long, sharp, slender serrated knife. I jabbed it at the counter, testing it, but it was too wobbly.

I threw it aside and chose a thicker, shorter, but still long and incredibly sharp steak knife. It was perfect. I took two of different sizes and hid the rest of the knives behind a counter. Maybe it was the heat of the burning house, or the pawing through the knife drawer, but I was infused with rage - I stalked out of the kitchen, kicked open the front door (which proceeded to fall down in splintered flames), and towards the fire, the girls, and their grating laughter.

As I got closer, I picked up speed and suddenly did this matrix thing where I jumped up in slo mo and slashed one of the girls' face. I didn't do it too deep; it was just a surface cut. But she screamed and I expected the other two girls to turn on me, but they just stood back and watched as the girl in pink wipe her cheek and pull out knives of her own. Meanwhile in the background the fire was roaring higher and louder and everything else seemed to go black.

I was scared as hell, because I really didn't know anything about fighting and was SO scared of getting cut. She jumped at me and my doubting and hesitation caused me to fail to block her first attack. Her knife went straight into my stomach. Instinctively, I flexed my stomach, as if I could push the knife out of me or something.

I did. It came out with such a force she was pushed back, still holding onto the handle of the knife. We both stared at the knife in wonder; there was no blood on it. She really was a pretty, sweet looking girl, but when she glared at me after that, I knew it was just a fake facade for some evil psycho. I hated her even more. Furious that I didn't die, she looked at the knife, and then my stomach again.

"Impossible," she spat.

"Believe it, bitch." I smiled. We started slashing at each other again and this time the other two girls joined in. I don't remember much, just that there was a lot of blades glinting from the reflections of the fire and other such movie-like effects. We fought for the longest time. I was angry I wasn't getting anywhere fighting with them, and even though they couldn't get to me, I couldn't get to them either.

I woke up. I stared at the ceiling for awhile, wondering whether I should be relieved I got out alive, or mad at myself for not having beaten them. I decided I was mad.

I fell back to sleep and this time I ended up in the back yard of my grandparents' house. Everything was normal again; the sky was just kind of gray and cloudy. (The sky is always gray and cloudy in my dreams. I don't think I ever remember it being sunny) I saw an old, faded, wooden trellis where these yellow and white flowers used to grow on. I remember they smelled really good and even though my grandpa told me not to, I would pick some off and smell it. I wondered what happened to those girls and the fire - was it a dream? A premonition? What happened since I never beat them?

Suddenly, like the first time, the world turned black again. I was still in the backyard, and everything was on fire. The lawn chairs, the fence, the back door, and even the trellis. This time though, I didn't have knives. The girls came out the back door slowly, and armed. I was so screwed.

I wished I had a bigger knife, even a nice sword. I closed my eyes briefly and felt all this anger and desparation and wanted revenge so much. I thought about my grandparents and wondered where they were and why this was happening and when I looked down, hidden in some bushes was a nice, shiny katana.

Yes, like the one I had at the Halloween party. Sorry wei wei, it seems I might be getting attatched to it...

Anyways, enthused, I picked it up and pulled it out of its sheath in one motion and aimed it at the first girl in line; the girl in white. I cut her up within a few minutes; she wasn't much of a fighter - she was a lot quieter than the other two.

The girl in black was a talker - she kept talking all this trash and calling me all these horrible names and obscene words. I didn't say anything for awhile, but then I found out from her these girls were my cousins or something. That made me really pissed; how could they do this to family? I didn't know who they were, but they knew who I was. I jumped on her and attacked her. Suddenly my katana broke. The blade just fell apart. I started panicking and praying for another one, because the girl in black was about to slash through me with hers. I started running and another katana just appeared in my hand. It was a bit heavier, but shinier and sharper. I turned around and cut up the girl in black as she was caught off guard. She rolled on the floor crying.

Then it was just the pink silk girl left. She had two swords. I ran towards the fence, and under the burning trellis was another katana. I didn't even wonder anymore, I just took it for granted and picked it up. We started fighting. We fought for a long time, slashing through the house and cutting up everything around us except each other.

Finally we appeared in the room where I used to take naps and my katanas started glowing silver and I faked a right attack. When her left arm went up to block it, and her right arm came down to cut me, I use my left sword to parry her attack and then I drove both swords into her gut.

The blades came out the other side of her back, perfectly parallel and still glowing. Her eyes started glowing yellow and she screamed so loudly I covered my ears and closed my eyes. She kept screaming and screaming and then I woke up.

I am going to try the unimaginable today...

I'm going to study in my apartment.

Pray for me.

stolen from wei wei who stole it from jess.

:x: name = Demona

:x: piercings = my mommy used to tell me holes in your ear = money pouring out hole, and I love money, so no.

:x: tattoos = and mar my flawless skin? never.

:x: height = 5'2?

:x: shoe size = 5.5 - 6

:x: hair color = black. tinted red. like demona! it shows up in sun. I told someone my hair turned red when I got angry, and the fool believed me. I forget who it was.

:x: length = shoulder. few people liked it short.

:x: siblings = wei wei!


LAST ..

:x: movie you went to see = Matrix Revolutions

:x: movie you bought = I'm in college. I don't buy craP. I downloaD.

:x: song you listened to = Scarlet Pimpernel track in my car! yay broadway

:x: song that was stuck in your head = same thing?

:x: cd you bought = I'm in college. I don't buy craP. I downloaD.

:x: cd you listened to = geez. I'm getting bored already.

:x: person you've called = david

:x: person that's called you = ansar (<-- you should be honored to be here) for accounting notes.

:x: tv show you've watched = Will and Grace. I love will and grace. I had a dream a few days ago I had a really good looking gay roomate and I was attracted to him. weird, huh?

:x: person you were thinking of = wei wei! after reading her blog.


DO ..

:x: you have a bf or gf = i hate these f*cking questions

:x: you have a crush on someone = yes. different ones. all the time. i'm a raging ball of hormones, baby

:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = sometimes.

:x: you think about suicide = haven't in a long time. life is A-Ok

:x: you believe in online dating = for some people. I mean, what else are you supposed to do if you're ugly or socially inept?

:x: others find you attractive = others find me aggressive.

:x: you want more piercings = don't have any.

:x: you drink = only to ease my loneliness and help me sleep at night

:x: you do drugs = only idiots who disregard consequences do drugs

:x: you smoke = only idiots who disregard health consequences and don't mind smelling like sh*t smoke

:x: you like cleaning = I like things to bE clean.

:x: you like roller coasters = yes. i will scream and whine the whole time, but it's fun.

:x: you write in cursive or print = hmm.. i really don't need to write much anymore. but both

:x: you carry a donor card = no. but i'd like one. how do i get it?


FOR OR AGAINST ..
this whole section is STUPID

:x: long distance relationships = i don't care. case by case basis
:x: using someone = stupid
:x: killing people = stupid
:x: teenage smoking = no, stupid.
:x: premarital sex = who cares. just don't spread STDs or babies
:x: driving drunk = F$*#4 STUPID question
:x: gay/lesbian relationship = why the hell not?
:x: soap operas = annoying. except korean soap operas. yay.


FAVORITE ..

:x: food = i like most food a lot. japanese italian chinese korean american. not really mexican or anything spicy

:x: song = i like all kinds music- i have a very eclectic taste. except rap/heavy metal, not really alternative.

:x: thing to do = sleep eat play kickbox talk shop read blog

:x: thing to talk about = myself. hahaha. j/k. really.

:x: sports = basketball. i used to be ok. maybe i can pick it up next semester

:x: drinks = my daddy and mommy might read this. so miLK. it makes by bones and teeth healthy.

:x: clothes = uh. soft? cotton/linen/silk/cashmere. as a student, cotton. I will get to the others someday.

:x: movies = so many! i like action adventure drama romance comedy. The Count of Monte Cristo is great. Pirates of the Carribean. movies that encompass many aspects. Thomas Crown Affair. Family Man. Finding Nemo. I've only seen Gone with the Wind once, but I'd love to see it again. Such a strong female character. Who will watch it with me? Make your reservation today.

:x: holiday = Christmas! Longest break pluS nice cold weather plUs excuse to shop pluS wonderful christmasy spirit


NUMBER ..

:x: of times I have been in love? = I shall answer that when I am old and wise. we stupid kids know nothing.

:x: of times I have had my heart broken? = another stupid undefinable expression. who knows.

:x: of drugs taken illegally? = i used to sneak sips of orange cough medicine when I was little.

:x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = 3 for sure. 2 almosts?

:x: of people I consider my enemies? = geez. I don't know. it's not like they're going to make it obvious. this isn't junior high anymore. from now on I suspect our enemies won't be apparent.

:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = i dunno. a few? who cares

:x: of scars on my body? = one under my right arm when two german shepards attacked me and bit a chunk out of my arm. I'm serious.

:x: of things in my past that I regret? = if by regret meaning I wish I hadn't been so stupid and done something, many many many. But nothing i haven't learned from to really regret it. I regret not keeping up with piano and chinese more.
And maybe appreciating being young and carefree. although technically I still am.

FAVORITE ..

:x: disney movie = beauty and the beast. and aladdin.

:x: scent = mango tangerine

:x: word = I can't decide between love/prudence/forgiveness/chastity/faith. hahahahaha.

:x: nickname = ting ting (by family), steph (by wei wei, david), stephie (only by vivian), xiao jie (by shanna & joe)

:x: guy name = I will name my boys Clark and Bruce (like my daddy). nice, simple, strong names. And yes, after the comic book characters. I decided this a long time ago, and it was a secret. But now I publically lay claim to those names.
I also liked Nicholas or Alexandar (yes, russian names) but they're not as unique.

:x: girl name = I used to like Lydia. missJenniferTran claimed it. I used to like Carine (that's how you spell it by the way, christine) but wei wei claimed it. So I dunno. I like veronica, but it's kinda snobby.

:x: eye color = dark brown.

:x: flower = i like any! iris. tiger lily. no red/white roses; but dark pink or yellow with red tips.

:x: actor = ability/skill wise - tom hanks is best. I define good actor by versatility. even if he's not my favorite. for example, nicholas cage is famous and all, but he sucks. he plays very similar characters. looks; orlando bloom! and wolverine! woohoo... oh and pierce brosnan is so damn cool. so is sean connery even when he's old. oh and the younger harrison ford. oh and rupert everett.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ..

:x: handsome/pretty = i used to have major image problems, you insensitive $&*@. I had frizZY hair, bangs, ugly glasses, braces, no sense of fashion, the workS. and i'm still skinny. )#$&#%&#% I hated junior high. I hated the stupid popular people who made fun of me for what I wore. I HATE this question.

:x: funny = sometimes?

:x: hot = hahahahaha. stupid question.

:x: friendly = usually. shut up. i am.

:x: amusing = .. i'm starting to realize a lot of people laugh at me.

:x: ugly = this is stupid and redundant

:x: loveable = I can be! I promise! please please, won't someone just love me?

:x: pessimistic = yeah, more of a realist

:x: optimistic = sometimes

:x: caring = i like kids and old people and animals. does that count?al most everyone else in between excluding friends and some aquaintainces just seem to be imbeciles.

:x: sweet = bah.

:x: Spell your first name back wards = what the #$&*# for

:x: The story behind your user name x: Gargoyles! duuuM, dum dumdumdum DUMM dumdumdum. She was the only female gargoyles for awhile, and turned cynical and hated humanity after some humans betrayed and killed her clan. I was going through an angry phase in 7th grade. YES it was a phase, and YES it has passed.

:x: Are you straight? yeah. shut up dobie 210. I'm really straight. I've even thought about it before. I can admire pretty girls, but I'm straight.

:x: Where do you live? in an apartment. in riverside

:x: 4 words that sum you up x: opinionated perfectionist mercurial impatient


DESCRIBE YOUR -

:x: Wallet x: a brown/maroon j crew one. like everyone else has.
:x: Toothbrush x: awkejthalgkjaweg
:x: Pillow cover x: sage green
:x: Blanket x: sage green
:x: Coffee cup x: huh?
:x: Sunglasses x: finally I find a pair I like. they are neato
:x: Shoes x: black boots. I like a lot. comfy shoes are hard to find
:x: Favorite top x: i dunno
:x: CD in stereo right now x: i don't have a stereo.
:x: What you are wearing now x: jeans. white t-shirt
:x: Hair: damp



WHO OR WHAT (was/is/are)

:x: In my mouth x: ..??

:x: In my head x: ....

:x: Wishing x: my two tests this week were over. and I got a high A in both

:x: After this x: sleep.

:x: Talking to x: ..jeff online?

:x: Fetishes x: ........

:x: If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason? nobody.

:x: Person you wish you could see right now x: bah

:x: Is next to you x: ....

:x: Something you're looking forward to in this upcoming month x: thanksgiving breaKKKK

:x: Something that you are deathly afraid of? x: scary movies

:x: Do you like candles x: yes. fire. burn. melt wax.

:x: Do you like hot wax x: ...

:x: Do you like incense x: yes!

:x: Do you like the taste of blood x: sometimes.. some people's are more flavorful than others.

:x: Do you believe in love x: sure.

:x: Do you believe in soul mates x: who the hell knows

:x: Do you believe in love at first sight: no.

:x: Do you believe in forgiveness: sure

:x: Do you believe in God: STFU. I hate religious discussions. don't get me started. i believe in letting people believe whatever.

:x: What do you want done with your body when you die: organs donated? body.. cremated and made into ice cream and served after the funeral so I can be a a part of me friends my loved ones. Before I'm digested, anyways.

:x: Who is your worst enemy?: sLSJflksdflj

:x: If you could have any animal for a pet: cat!

:x: Can you eat with chopsticks: yEs. I am chinese.

:x: What's your favorite coin?: I like bills, thank you. large ones.

:x: What are 5 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to?: I dunno

:x: What are some of your favorite pig out foods?: lots.

:x: Whats something that you wish people would understand?: i'm getting tired. there are many things

:x: What's something you wish you could understand better?: lots of things

:x: Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time? : hi wei wei wei wei wei wei. i miss you too. i miss my mommy and daddy and family.

At my internship thing at Pickaprof we're trying to get professors to sign up on the Professor Support System to they can send surveys to students about the class, post course descriptions and contact info and whatnot.

Look at this link.
Go under [Multimedia] on the right and click on [Video]

It has Professer Brandl on national TV.
It's funny.
I'm taking his class next semester.

This is the guy that I had originally signed up for this semester, but got kicked out of because I hadn't taken ACC311 first.
He told us on the first day of class that most of us would probably get Cs, this was a hard class, and if we thought his standards, or the university's, for that matter, were too high, there was the door. *he pointed*
I liked him a lot.

Haha for pickaprof and professor Brandl.

Have ABSA Halloween pictures up.
Will be adding more later.

One month after the tragic Sept. 11, terrorist attacks, Congress passed a 342 page act to combat those terrorists.

The Public knew little about it, and even those who knew were so in shock they readily supported anything the government could do to protect them.

This Act was called the Patriot Act.

The government claims that:

“The Department of Justice’s first priority is to prevent future terrorist attacks. Since its passage following the September 11 attacks, the Patriot Act has played a key part - and often the leading role - in a number of successful operations to protect innocent Americans from the deadly plans of terrorists dedicated to destroying America and our way of life. While the results have been important, in passing the Patriot Act, Congress provided for only modest, incremental changes in the law.”

"Modest, incremental changes" my ass.

The Patriot Act violates over half of the Bill of Rights:

Violation of the 1st Amendment - Freedom of Speech, and right to petitition the government for redress of grievances

The Bill of Rights also claims that a citizen cannot be searched "solely on the basis of activities protected by the First Amendment to the Constitution." That means you can't have your records searched solely because you wrote an article criticizing the Patriot Act. Like me.
But if you were not born in America and write that article, well, that's not "solely" anymore, is it? You foreigners better watch what you say, because

"[The Patriot act] creates a broad new definition of "domestic terrorism" that could sweep in people who engage in acts of political protest and subject them to wiretapping and enhanced penalties. This means they can jail anyone who disagrees with them, and keep them in jail for life without a trial."

And if you wish to exercise your right to 'petition the government for redress of grievances'? Too bad. The president has issued orders to lock down presidential records, so not only can we not question his actions, we don't even have the right to know what they are.

Violation of the 4th Amendment - The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons of things to be seized.

"The Patriot Act has eliminated the Constitutional guarantee of probable cause when investigating a crime, and allows the police -- at any time, for any reason -- to enter and search your house, files, bank account-and not even tell you about it."

Violation of the 5th Amendment - Right to trial, right to life, liberty or property and right to due process of law

"Hundreds of non-citizens, [including many foreign students], have been rounded and detained, many for months, without probable cause and due process. The government has repeatedly refused any requests for information regarding the detainees by loved ones, lawyers and the press; it has denied them access to legal representatives; and has conducted its hearings in secret, in some cases denying the very existence of such hearings."

Violation of the 6th Amendment - the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

Courtesy of your friendly Patriot Act, now the accused or suspicious 'terrorists' have no jury, no representation, are not informed of the accusation, get no witnesses, and heck, may get no trial at all, ever.

The War on Terror has completely compromised the fundamental rights of citizens and non-citizens alike.

"The Patriot Act allows the Attorney General to incarcerate or detain non-citizens based on mere suspicion, and to deny re-admission to the United States of non-citizens (including lawful permanent residents)."

The DOJ can now rifle through your records if they don't like what you're reading, let alone saying. Librarians and bookstore owners are now having to be forced to secretly hand over information about a patron's reading and Internet habits. If you're Middle Eastern and happen to like reading about planes, borrow the books from someone else.

Libraries aren’t the only ones getting angry - businesses are starting to become annoyed as well. There has been an increase of "national security letters" requiring businesses to hand over electronic records on finances, telephone calls, e-mails and other personal data.

The Patriot Act also grants the FBI broad access to sensitive medical, financial, mental health, and educational records about individuals without having to show evidence of a crime and without a court order.

There’s a proposed sequel to the Patriot Act, called the "Domestic Security Enhancement Act." This will give the government authority to wiretap an individual, collect a person's DNA without court orders, detain people in secret, revoke citizenship, among other things.

I hate how they call it the “security enhancement act” when in reality, none of these measures can guarantee security.
With 300 million Americans, there is no way we can watch what every single person is doing. It disgusts me and scares me at the same time that the government is now trying to do this ‘Big Brother’ thing.

Yes, some measures help keep us secure, like Airport checks, but when do you cross the line?
When did privacy and rights become a trade off for alleged safety?

I read on msn.slate.com – this opinion forum, that someone believed,
“the Patriot Act, has much to recommend itself, if you trust the government.”

Yes we should trust the government.
But we should also have a right to question them.
But how do we question them when they aren't being open about what is going on?

Why should we trust a government that apparently doesn't trust us?
And by 'us' I don't mean just the citizens.
I mean the immigrants, the foreign exchange students, the legal residents, the innocent people who are in this country just trying to learn or make a living. A few psychotic bastards from another country does not justify what the government is doing to foreigners.

I have a group member in my class who told me after my speech in BA324 that now he has to travel to San Antonio every year to get interrogated, fingerprinted, and basically harassed for studying here. I feel so bad for him, and it makes me all the angrier.

How much should we trust the government?
As much as they trusted the Japanese-American citizens when they threw them in concentration camps during WWII for security reasons?
As much as they trusted the pacifists, political radicals, liberals, foreigners or anyone who did not support the Cold War or traditional American economic and political values during the Red Scare?

Trust is essential, but if we trusted the government blindly and followed their orders without question, it would no longer be a democracy.
Why vote? We should just trust them to pick a president for us.

Besides, who the hell friggin died and gave George Bush the right to pick and choose who is a patriot or not? I'm not a 'patriot' because I don't support his stupid, wasteful, badly planned War on Terror?

A Patriot is "someone who loves, supports and defends our country."
And by supporting our country we should also support everything else is stands for; not war or power or who carries the big stick, but democracy, freedom of speech, equality, and a legacy of fiercely defending our rights against those audacious enough to dare take them away from us.

But what do you do when the one threatening everything America stands for is your own government, your own President?

I think the true Patriots of America:
Jefferson, Adams, Hamilton, every damn colonial who fought in the American Revolution would be rolling in their graves if they knew our Government was now using the word ‘Patriot’ to mask the blatant violation of our rights.

Don't tolerate this rapage of our Constitutional Rights.

For about 2 weeks, the PickaProf office I work at had Einstein's bagels every morning.

There was even a wonderful wonderful Einstein Honey Almond cream cheese. I knew I was just getting spoiled and this would not last forever, but I indulged and took it for granted anyways, each day peeking around the corner into the kitchen hoping to find that familiar boxful of bagels.

It's been a week and we have not had bagels. I'm was disappointed.

Me: Wahh. It's been a week and still no bagels. I can't work without bagels!
Chris: [ignores me, as usual]
Me: I'm hungry! I want bagels! I shall go on strike!
Chris: Strike. Why are you striking?
Me: Because I want bagels! I refuse to work under these conditions.
Chris: We're not exactly working in a coal mine, Stephanie.
Me: But I demand somE form of compensation for my work...

We don't get paid. Is breakfast too much to ask?

Shanna and I went kickboxing today for the first time in a long time.

It was so tiring, I think we both were scared we were going to pass out the first 15 minutes like the first time we went with Brandy. Brandy introduced us to this place. I miss you, Brandy.

I must've wrapped my fists wrong, because they're skinned up to hell. It hurt a lot when I got shampoo on it.

I'd like to say yeah, the pain is worth it, I feel good about myself, blah blah, but I don'T!
No ma'am.
I feel tired and am dreading being sore.

I was going to do laundry or something productive, but I think I will do nothing today.

I had my last speech in BA 324, a persuasive. I will be posting my speech and propoganda-ish pictures up later.

I dreamt about an evil witch.

The dream started with me going to college for the first time. The day was cloudy and crisp, and I felt very awake as I walked into my dormitory. My dorm was decorated with Christmas decorations and we were the 'Holiday Hall' even though it was only September.
I had my own room, like everyone else on the floor, and it was pretty nice. We had these cute little Victorian cabinets. I unpacked and then went around meeting everyone.
Then we saw our RA, which was a guy. He was actually a guy witch, but he was really really good looking. And a lot older, maybe late 20s. All the girls liked him of course, but he was never cocky and pretended not to notice. Throughout the semester he would try to get me to do bad things, like steal and manipulate people with him. I thought it was really weird, and as good looking and charming as he was, I didn't listen to him. (yay for my subconscious concience!)

It turned out he was working for this witch, which is why he wore black a lot. They were trying to recruit me.
When I followed her and found out she had done all these horrible things, I confronted her while she was teaching. Her hair flew up and her eye glowed, and she yelled at me. She told me she was my aunt, and it was my destiny to learn the black arts. I got angry and screamed that no one else in my family was like that, and I refused to participate.
Then the stage (she was teaching on) flew open and there was lava from the bottom. My parents and sister and other aunts and cousins and even these two little dogs came out. They didn't say anything, just silently acknowledged that they were witches and wizards too. Betrayed, I turned to my mom but she said they were good people, just that one aunt was crazy and evil. But they were all under her control.
I was so angry and scared while the Witch Aunt kept talking, telling me how if I didn't listen to her, she'd lock me away in that school and never let me see my parents and make them unhappy. She mocked me and told me there was nothing I could do, I was just a stupid little girl and she would see to it I suffer. I was really really mad.

As she was ranting, I slowly backed into the fireplace, as if I was scared. But I reached behind me and grabbed a fire poker and ran at her, stabbing her half a dozen times before the 'family' grabbed it away from me. They hated her, but they still had loyalty. No one attacked me back, though, and they had to hold the Witch back (she wasn't dead of course) from killing me.

I remember wondering how I could actually intentionally hurt someone like that, but it was in defense of myself and my family. Scared at what would happen to me, I ran into an adjacent room and the little dogs of hers ran after me, snapping at my heels. I climbed on top of a cabinet, and decided to reason with the dogs. I don't know why. I told them how their mistress was evil and did bad things, and was ruining the happiness of the family. After awhile, they stopped barking and sat down and just looked unhappy.

Then the crazy witch came in, and throughout the confrontation her normal clothes had slowly been transforming to black witch clothes and her hair was turning red.
She screamed at me again and told me I had no where to run. Suddenly, I remembered this plastic gun I had and held it up to her, which she laughed at. She asked me if I really though that I could kill her with a toy when I had stabbed her with a poker so many times and she had survived. She sent me images at what she was going to do to me when she caught me. Then, next to her, appeared the really good looking dark and brooding RA who had been trying to charm me all these months. Her laughing and his manipulation angered me so much I held the gun out in front and shot at her over and over.

Real sparks flew out and I saw bullet wounds appear across her chest and shocked face.
I ran again, with the dogs following me and whining, out of the room across the stage where my family still stood and the room now had a red glow.

I ran back to my dorm and just sat there in shock, listening to my CDs. There was a knock on my door, and I opened it. It was the really good looking dark and brooding RA. He said the witch was dead, and everything was ok now. He promised he was just under her spell and crap and tried to hug me or something, but the wonderfully wary cynic in me glared at him and told him he could have resisted just like I did, but he was weak and made me kill a person.

I turned to look out the window as I heard his footsteps fade into the hallway.
Slowly, the buildings of the school melted and transformed into old brick and turrets; basically, into a castle. For some reason, I wasn't surprised, just sad. Somehow by defeating the witch I could now see things as they really were. Like Gandalf turning white, I suppose. Since the Aunt ran the school and I was the next heir, I now owned the school. I could be rich and powerful.

But for some reason I was unhappy, and I went to my little dorm room and packed my bags and left it all.

I now have picture links.
See Right ---->

Send me your ABSA pictures and I'll post them up.

My cousin Angeline has AIM now.

She's nine years old! And she talks online. How messed up is that.
This is the first time I IM-ed her:

Demona848: hey stinky
Acwgbc: im not stinky
Demona848: you are
Acwgbc: u are
Demona848: i can smell you from here
Acwgbc: no u cant\
Demona848: I can. you really need to take a shower, ok?
Acwgbc:
Demona848: hahaha
Demona848: do you miss me
Demona848: HEY i'm talking to you
Acwgbc:
Acwgbc: what r u doing?
Demona848: I just got home from a ABSA volleyball game

Acwgbc: u popped
Demona848: huh?
Demona848: popped what
Acwgbc: u popped!
Acwgbc: your balloon
Demona848: what balloon
Demona848: what are you talking about
Acwgbc: your balloon
Demona848: WHAT BALLOOOOON
Acwgbc: your balllllooooooonnnnnn!!!!!!
Demona848: WHAT bALLOOOOOOON are you talking about?!?!
Acwgbc: :-D
Demona848: WHEN did I get a balloon
Acwgbc: i dont know?
Demona848: WHAT?!?!
Demona848: WHAT are you talking about you pSYCHO?!
Acwgbc: :-D
Demona848: AHH!
Demona848: STOP MESsing with my HEAD
Acwgbc: :-D
Demona848: i'm not talking to you anymore
Demona848: meanie
Acwgbc: thank u for telling me i am messing with your head
Demona848: why
Acwgbc: i thoght u werent talking to me anymore
Acwgbc: hee hee
Acwgbc: hee hee
Acwgbc: i win!
Demona848: ..
Demona848: you're a horrible child

Acwgb: no im not
Acwgb: hee hee
Demona848: i'm going to go now
Demona848: and cook
Demona848: and eat
Demona848: and study
Acwgb: cook what
Acwgb: eat what
Acwgb: study what
Acwgb: ?????????
Demona848: cook tofu gan1 and meat and jiao3 tsai4 hwa1
Demona848: study statistics and accounting
Demona848: like you know what any of those are
Acwgb: yes i do
Acwgb: how do u know if i dont?
Acwgb: ha ha
Demona848: because you're a silly child
Demona848: and you know nothing
Acwgb: hee hee
Acwgb: thats mean!
Acwgb: u meanie
Acwgb: hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Demona848: HA! I WIN
Acwgb: i won first
Demona848: so? the most recent WIN wins
Demona848: therefore, I WIN!
Demona848: I win again by saying that!
Acwgbc: i win iwin i win iwin i win i win
Acwgbc: now i win
Acwgbc: ha i win
Demona848: I win
Acwgbc: I win!
Acwgbc: i win
Auto response from Demona848: i win
Acwgbc: i win
Auto response from Demona848: i win

BOO YA! I'm a genius

all nine year olds beware.

Halloween was good I guess.
Usually I just end up stressing all day before the ABSA event I have to get ready for and end up trying to calm down enough to enjoy it. Blah. I wish I could've had more fun.
Not that I didn't enjoy the costumes and people. I just hate missing class and work and having people make me feel guilty about it. It's not like I don't berate myself enough for my shortcomings. I know I had to miss class and work last week to go home for the first time, and the week before because of ABSA camping, and the week before thaT because I was sick. EFF YOU for making me feel bad about it.
I hate school and I hate homework and tests.

I have no motivation to do homework.
Yay for UT winning game.
I need some motivation. I WILL do homework ALL DAY today. And all night.
After I take this nap.