Thao, 10 years from now we will have our conversation again.

I can't wait to see where we are and whom we're with.

Hopefully someone who can rescue us from our cynicism, hmm?

everyone hates me! ;_;

fishibarz (12:42:35 AM): lilg8416 (12:35:41 AM): kill stephanie to
fishibarz (12:42:39 AM): just wanted to let u know
fishibarz (12:42:41 AM): some ppl are after u
Demona848 (12:44:34 AM): thanks for letting me know
Demona848 (12:44:39 AM): one of us will not make it through this year
fishibarz (12:45:31 AM): and it better not be omar!
Demona848 (12:47:37 AM): i hate you!
fishibarz (12:47:58 AM): :-(
fishibarz (12:47:59 AM): why..
Demona848 (12:48:12 AM): you would rather me die than omar??
fishibarz (12:48:16 AM): but but..
fishibarz (12:48:21 AM): but..
fishibarz (12:48:29 AM): i'm going by uhh
fishibarz (12:48:33 AM): how long i've known the person
fishibarz (12:48:39 AM): and i've known omar longer!
fishibarz (12:48:41 AM): nothing personal
Demona848 (12:48:58 AM): DIE!
Demona848 (12:49:00 AM): you will die also!
fishibarz (12:49:03 AM): what!
fishibarz (12:49:05 AM): u (&@#@#*&!
Demona848 (12:49:06 AM): you can lie in your graves together
fishibarz (12:49:08 AM): ooh
fishibarz (12:49:09 AM): ok
Demona848 (12:49:10 AM): since you love him so much!
fishibarz (12:49:12 AM): kill us quick!
Demona848 (12:49:16 AM): i'll even place your hands strategically
fishibarz (12:49:22 AM): NICE!

Demona848 (12:44:13 AM): fishibarz (12:42:35 AM): lilg8416 (12:35:41 AM): kill stephanie to
Demona848 (12:44:14 AM): WHAT?
Demona848 (12:44:26 AM): you horrible person you
lilg8416 (12:45:02 AM): u provoke the evil in me

abcf0B (12:45:04 AM): damn u u evil person

lilg8416 (12:50:12 AM): fishibarz (12:46:07 AM): steph is an evil evil woman
lilg8416 (12:50:34 AM): Putrid Rat (12:50:00 AM): yea she is

Demona848 (12:51:30 AM): you agree with omar that i was evil?
Putrid Rat (12:51:37 AM): i never said that
Putrid Rat (12:52:09 AM): last msg to omar was at 12:49:53 AM
Putrid Rat (12:52:12 AM): not 12:50:34
Putrid Rat (12:52:38 AM): i don't know what he is getting that from..

Demona848 (12:52:02 AM): HA~!
Demona848 (12:52:33 AM): LIAR!
lilg8416 (12:53:56 AM): well i read his mind
lilg8416 (12:54:02 AM): and wrote down his thoughts

Demona848 (12:50:16 AM): i'm so blogging this.
fishibarz (12:50:19 AM): no
fishibarz (12:50:19 AM): :-(
fishibarz (12:50:26 AM): i only pretend to be gay
fishibarz (12:50:31 AM): so... girls will stop hitting on me
fishibarz (12:50:33 AM): yeah
fishibarz (12:50:41 AM): :-(
Demona848 (12:51:40 AM): too late
Demona848 (12:51:47 AM): you are now officially gay
Demona848 (12:51:49 AM): according to my blog
fishibarz (12:52:29 AM): bah
fishibarz (12:52:37 AM): everyone knows ur blog is full of lies!
Demona848 (12:53:17 AM): I have PICTURES to prove your gayness!
Demona848 (12:53:19 AM): pictures don't lie
fishibarz (12:53:22 AM): NO!
fishibarz (12:53:32 AM): OUT OF CONTEXT
Demona848 (12:53:57 AM): oh. you guys hAppened to be sitting in each others laps and grabbing each others' crotches
Demona848 (12:54:01 AM): and checking each other out.
fishibarz (12:54:15 AM): WE WERE TOLD TO!
fishibarz (12:54:17 AM): ask a joke

lilg8416 (12:54:33 AM): are u calling me and jon gay
Demona848 (12:54:59 AM): yes

fishibarz (12:57:23 AM): i think Omar is THE one.

What a stupid concept 'The One' is.

I was watching something and there were these people getting married and saying "I knew he was The One" and crap like that, and it made me scoff.

I don't think there is a 'ONE', but a bunch of people of the opposite sex you are compatible with at certain points in your life and could possibly live with and produce babies with. It's all biological, not sentimental.

In a way, I think people don't really say 'I hope he's the One' as in 'I hope He's the only one if this world for me,' but 'I hope I end up with this guy.

'I mean yes, it's nice to have someone reallY compatible with you, but it's too idealistic to put all your eggs in one basket and naively hope that all your expectations and hopes and dreams can be found in one person. That's just ignorant and unrealistic.

If there was only One, you would never see people going from relationship relationship without remorse. People forget so easily. But it's not us humans' fault. We were programmed that way. If we sat around mooning after our first break up over the one true love of our lives, no babies would get made. So we get over it.

The only people who really can say there has been One, are people who have only been with one great One and haven't experienced other people. So who are they to say that the person they happen to be with is the One?

Anyways. I know this is cynical, but it's realistic.

Judy and mike brought DDR to our family party thingie. The adults were so facinated. So that made me happier.
Then my dad and uncle played. THAT made me reaLLy laugh. It was great.
I think my parents really want to get one now.
My daddy says him and my mom will practice and then they will compete against my sister and I and hold a family competition thing. Hahaha. so funny.

I was actually cool with the fact we didn't really get presents; cash is always good.
Usually, when I get cash, I would always just 'save it' and like Jerry said he does, slowly spend it on a bunch of cheap crap I don't need. well NO MORE! The next few days I will buy clothes with all the money. ALL of it. No saving like a good girl.
After all, it wAS meant for presents, right? It should be treated as a sunk cost.
YES! clothes and jacket and boots and pants!
ThiS is the true meaning of the Holidays. Cold hard cash to buy whatever you want.
MERRY CHRISTMAS to ME!
(I'm not a greedy bitch, I prrrromise)

Bah, Humbug.

Each year I become professively less fond of Christmas.

Each year our Christmas lights grow more scant, our trees more tiny. This year we don't have a tree at all.

I had been watching the horribly cheesy "Santa Clause 2" on TV in a desperate (can you tell?) attempt to lighten my foul mood. I've been listening to the only tolerable Christmas song, Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You" on repeat. As if we stupid humans would ever be satisfied with just ONE person or thing. What a sickenly sanguine song. It has a nice tune, though - so it plays on.

Christine isn't even home for Christmas, my aunt and little cousin Angeline are in Las Vegas, and my parents didn't even really decide to hold our traditional family & family friends dinner at our house until today. Everything is a chore, all my mom's stressing about cleaning totally ruins any chance I had at semi getting into the mood for the bloody holidays.

Not that I had been excited about this holiday anyways, but I think the straw that broke the camel's back was last night; while my parents were debating whether to reluctantly have dinner tonight or just go to Happy Panda (which is now China Bear and some friggin Americanized stupid Chinese buffet) and get it over with.

Get it over with. That's what my life seems to be all about nowadays. Everything is just something to do and get over with.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I was whining to Gene and he says "HolyHeYsus: it's ok, jus look at the big baby jesus field ornaments outside ur window and u'll feel that warm christmas tingle in ur heart"

Hahahaha. Thanks GEne.

I did, however, have a lot of fun with Dobie 210 last night. Thanks, guys. There are now additions of JenniferN and Thao, which is fun. On the way back home from Jon's house Thao and Jennifer pulled up next to Chris and I and started making catcalls. I was deeply offended until they offered money. We traded thinly-concealed innuendos until the light turned green. Since Becki has been taken by Omar, I've been sorely lacking for female companionship. Welcome, Jennifer and Thao.

Thanks to Becki for a book of Interpretations of Dreams - apparently she thinks I'm messed up and need help figuring out what's wrong with me. I don't think it'll help, but it'll be an interesting read.

Thanks Jon and Omar for the lovely present - Adult Drinking Games.... anyone who wants to join us a couple days before school next semester is welcome. We won't be using alcohol, of course. That would be illegal. We'll just use really fizzy drinks like coke and sprite that are just as hard to chug down. It will be just as fun with a sugar high. Of course, I'm lying because my dad reads this. After this crappy holiday, I'm going to need as much liquor in my veins as possible. Donations are accepted.

And now the moment everyone has been waiting for. The frog pictures. Yes, those who were there know what I'm talking about. After having too much Apple Cider, I got in a really .... weird... mood and committed atrocious acts. Actually, I posed little plastic frogs committing atrocious acts and Jon took pictures while the rest of the people hypocritically judged me and called me 'dirty' while at the same time hooted and urging me on. You crazy bastards - but I still love you guys.

Clink in Order:

Once there were two froggies
One froggy told the other froggy he loved her
They embraced.
over
and
over
and
over.
The enD.

Merry Christmas.

wOW I had a weird dream. It was kinda icky.

I was at my old house, and it was merged into my new house. (Usually I dream of going to either, or maybe going back and forth.. does the merging mean I'm slowly transitioning? Who knows)

Anyways, my sister and I were cleaning or something, and all of the sudden I see the big fat worm scamper (yes, scamper) across my new house's kitchen floor. I screamed my head off and she came to see what was the matter. I told her the worm was like as thick as my finger and as long as my forearm; it was dISGUSting.

We slowly looked around for it, and suddenly I saw another one in the living room, a little smaller. We followed it into my parents' bedroom and there were 3 much smaller worms crawling more slowly around. I was so disgusted and I picked up a small plastic trash can and ran to the kitched to get a pair of those really long chopsticks you use for frying.

Christine held the trashcan while I tried to pick up the worms with the chopsticks. More and more kept appearing through out the house, and soon we had to pick them up with our hands because we weren't getting them fast enough. We actually almost filled the trash can (it was sicK) when we returned to our parents' room to double check and I saw this pink thing moving behind this black chair they have.

I moved the chair aside and saw a giGANTIc worm. I mean it. It was friGGin naSTY. It was at least as round as a barrel, and maybe 6 foot, but all curled up. It heaved and moved like it was breathing, but it didn't move fast at all. Thank god. I think I would've screamed myself awake.

It was gooey and sticky, and I prodded it with my handy chopsticks until it moved and I saw the worm's head. It was so groSss!!!!! Eww. I shudder even thinking about it now. Why do I have such nasty freaky dreams?! I haven't even seen a worm in forever? Where does this crap come from? I dunno. Anyways,

I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a bunch of garbage bags to throw over the worm, and suddenly the room got dark and started spinning. The worm started talking to us through telepathy. (crazy, right?) I saw swirling colours and it said even if we got rid of it, we'd still have trouble with worms. My sister and I asked why, and it said because they were coming out from the walls.

Ok this part gets really scary. I kind of almost don't want to type it because my mom is leaving to go grocery shopping soon and I'm scared of being at home alone. Yes, at 12 in the afternoon.

Anyways, it said there were deaD people in our walls. All over the house. And that's where the worms were coming from. And to get rid of them we'd have to knock down the walls of our old/new house. oh eventually we bagged up the big worm and once I accidentally poked it with my chopstick and it bled a little. that was gross too. I don't know what we did about the dead people. Which is why I'm so scared right now.

DeaD people!! big icky worm!
Isn't that scary?!?!?!

AHHH I am so scared. Why am I such a freak?

A funny thing happened while Jennifer and I were at the mall today.

Me [looking through clothing window]: Oh my gosh look at that cute little black thing! I want it!
Jennifer [looking horrified]: You just said that and pointed as a black woman with a baby stroller walked by!
Me: what? I meant that jacket!
Jennifer: I thought you meant the baby!!
Me: WHY would I say that?!?!

hahahaha. cute little black thing. I really did mean the jacket.
anyways, it was funny.
I hope the lady didn't hear me.

There is a pretty little blue jay outside my window right now.

The deep rich blue of its feathers make for a pretty, stark contrast against the green foliage of the tree it is delicately perched on. He cocks his head pertly to a fro, as the wind slowly ruffles his feathers. You know what my first inclination was when I saw the pretty birdie?

I wanted to bite it.
I don't know why. I just wanted to grab it and sink my teeth into it's little neck.
Even now, he hops around on the brances, teasing me.
GRRRrRrrr.
I just wanna take a chunk out of it.

Am I weird?

Proof that Jerry is so morbid:

Demona848: christine comes back today
Demona848: then leaves tomorow
jerryWhOo: where is she going?
Demona848: skiiiiing
jerryWhOo: oh i thought u wrote killing
Demona848: haahahaha
Demona848: dude you are such a freak!

Hehehehe...

From Jeff's Blog:

"11:30 AM
-Arrive at Steph's house for some lunch and catching
up. WE had fun talks about life and growing up...and we
formulated some theories.

***********THEORIES**********************

The theory of the College Primes
-----------------------------------------

Males and females in college have different prime times
in selecting bf/gf/mates...
This is based off the observation that most couples consist
of an older guy and a younger girl...possibly due to the fact
taht women mature faster then men?

A female's prime comes during her freshman and sophmore years
because she can select from boys her own age and the junior and
senior classes. Freshman would probaly not want to go with a big
senior guy, so that is why a sophmore year
is probably the prime year. AS she ages into a junior and senior,
pickings become slim as men become taken and leave
college. This will possibly leave many lonely girls. How sad.

A male's prime however, is a growing cornucopia of women.
The cycle begins with the freshman year in which you can only
concern yourself with only girls you age...and they are being enticed
by the older men. You're basically a scrub.
Do not fret though! Next year your choices DOUBLE...and then TRIPLE...
until senior year you are a big baller and have your choice
from 4x the women you began with.

MEn...just wait your prime will come.

Women...strike while in your prime...and if you got
it...flaunt it...you'll be out of hte prime before you know it.

all this is is.....a form of social darwinism.

The theory of post relationship opposites
----------------------------------------------------

This theory concerns itself with what one might call
"the next one"...the next g/f or the next b/f...

Me and Steph have just observed in passing of
the latest spree of college break up and
hook ups, tha pattern shows this.

The people either pick
a) a person exactly like the person they lost
b) a person exactly opposite the person

Choice a is kinda like freaky style...because its obvious
to the world that they are just trying to
replace them...weird style

Choice b is what we have been observing and
they are just trying the completely different...
we've seen it in a lot of people
and it kinda makes sense to us.

*********************************************

We also proceeded to make elitest jokes
and waddle in our own arrogence...

OneOfUs: It seems that [some] people...like are missing something?
TheOther: Oh yeah, it's intelligence
Both: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Ah...elitism...it's really bad. "

HAHahhahahaa.

The conversation ran deeper than that; but that was a pretty good summary.
Good job, Jeff, for exposing to the world our true self-important natures.

May there be many more pompously presumptuous conversations between us!

i look back to the past so much now.

i think because i'm in a transition period in my life - everything is morphing and i keep trying to hold on the the shreds of the past. it was familiar; it was certain. i'm scared of the new things.

this fall semester has been such a change - last year i played too hard; i think this year i overloaded myself. last year i felt so childish and stupid and naive; this year i feel so much more tired and cynical and old. in my rush to 'grow up' i absorbed too much of the 'real world'.
i'm exhausted. like a fire inside has been almost extinguished. i can't seem to find a balance.

i feel so lost and confused. i want to go back to the old times. but i don't really want to. i can't learn any more from it; nothing is surprising or interesting or new. i took from it already all that i can.

but the future scares me. i want to know what the hell is going to happen to me. i want to learn more, experience more, but i'm too paranoid to really let myself do it.

it's like i'm running forward yet looking back the whole time; i can't keep doing this - sooner or later i'll fall, i know it. but i'm scared to completely let go and let fate or whatever the hell controls this stuff take me wherever i'm supposed to go.

i guess this is normal. not a kid, not an adult. blah blah 'finding yourself'
these are the best years of my life.
i shouldn't waste so much time thinking.
i think too much.

I've been looking through ABSA pictures from last year.
maN I love ABSA so much.

could it have replaced CYC in my heart?
I have been so fickle lately...

but I realized... the more you love, the more love you have to give and share!
I will always remember CYC fondly... so many memories and lessons...
but maybe I love ABSA now.
and that is ok.

geezus Sugarland bloWs. i'm going to sleep out of boredom.

I'm at home.
And I'm lonely.

I wish everyone wasn't still up at Austin so I could have someone to play with.

I'm glad finals are over and stuff, but SugarLand is so goDawful boring. I bought some book and I plan to read and watch korean/chinese soap operas a lot, but it's not the same.

Everyone come home already and throw parties!

Holy SHIT.

so sexy.

*sigh* I am in love.

those amazing headlights... the sleek countours...
flawless. smooth. begging me to run my fingers down its side.
I just know it would give me one hell of a ride.

look at that second picture. you can just see it winking at you - teasing you - and you know you will never be able to possess it, but would sell your soul for a half hour ride.

As devoted as I am to my tsx,
I fear this may be more than just a passing fancy...

is it possible to be in love with both?
no...
banish the thought.
My tsx has been so good to me....
I'll not hurt its feelings lusting after another...

but it can't hurt to look, right?
After all, I am merely human.

From wei wei's blog:

Tuesday, December 09, 2003ahhhh!!!

my dad, the most UNromantic guy on the face of this earth, just got my mom a diamond ring for her birthday.
(:
it even came with a singing teddy bear holding a velvet jewelrey case.
hahahahha.

"thank god they have this stuff online. if i had to really go to a jewelrey store, i wouldn't know whAt the hell i was doing.."

so he ordered it off line.
haha.
but for him, thats pretty damn good.

so my mom is sitting in bed under her covers with her teddy bear flashing her ring around and giggling, and my dad, like me when im nervous or angry, is walking around the room cleaning and fidgeting, trying to look serious.

yea. that just made my day week.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Reading that made me scream for like 5 minutes. I must've said "Oh my GOD" 2 dozen times. THAT is SO unlike my daddy.

Yay it made me so happy. I have been growing more and more cynical all semester, and this helps so much.

yAY! that is so cute.

my stomach right now is so rumbly. While *ahem* waiting for CHRIS, whom I owe sushi to, to call, I went out and ate sushi anyways and then got hungry again and ate fried pickles and milk tea.

Pounds of raw fish and salty sour fried pickles and sweet milk tea is NOT good. throw in lactose intolerance.
poo i feel bad physically.

but so good emotionally. ^_^

Congratulations to Shanna on becoming an offical IBM-er!!

She tells me about her decision this morning, and how she'll be away in Asia Pacific for the next two years, and how even though she was sad, she was happy with her decision.

The she tells me one of the best things about getting to work at IBM was.... (drawn out for effect)

"not having to take urine tests.. because I really can't pee in a cup!"

....

Some people get excited over a big Christmas bonus or extra vacation days... I guess Shanna just appreciates the little things in life.

I'm going to miss you so much shanna.

i am very grateful for my friends

you never know how much you miss something until you lose it.

like my nail.

goddamit.

I've been incredibly moody all week.

The next 5 days are going to be hell. As it is going to be for everyone else, I assume.

If I survive it I will celebrate my @$$ off.