So mythology test was.. ok. GOd I hope I got an A.
I decided to not go to biopsychology so I can stUdy biopsychology (test wednesday).. if that makes sense.
So I eat, check my schedule on my computer, and realize we're watching a film in class today. I scream and run out the door. (for films I must attend class because I can't get the info from the book)
I RUN to class, (wearing a black shirt at high noon) and get there to realize the poopy TA who never responds to my e-mails is trying to teach class.
No film.
I tell myself that if I know the answer the the next question she asks, I can go home. I do. I run back to my computer and start planning my week. (I like to have everything scheduled)

....
I start filling in my palm pilot, and this is what my schedule looks like today:

5:00 - Nutrition Review Starts
5:30 - ABSA GAM Meeting
6:00 - Eco project meeting
6:15 - ABSA IM Softball Practice Starts
8:00 - Softball Game

I have a quiz tomorrow ( I don't even know what it's over)
and 2 tests on wednesday. on my birtHday!

But I'm more worried about today. CAN SOMEONE TELL ME HOW I CAN POSSIBLY DO EVERYTHING!?!?!?!
EVERYTHING OVERLAPS!!!
I give up.
It is impossible.
I don't even have time to study. POOO POO POOOOOO
No sleeping next two days.
@(#$&@(#%*@#(*%@#%#

Me: [frantically] #)(#*%@#%@ !!! I woke up late! I have a test in 20 minutes!
Christy: [seriously] God Speed, Stephanie.
Me: [indignantly] I'm not going to the MOON, I'm taking a test!

It's so weird now. Everyone blogs.
I don't even need to write about our Dallas field trip: Chris, Shanna, Joe, all did.

I don't know what's wrong with me.
I just feel very blah lately. I'm very disenchanted with the world.
Maybe it's realizations (good and bad) I made during the field trip about people, business, growing up, friends, politics, and life in general.
College and talking to older people in general just makes me feel like there's so much stuff out there that I'm learning I don't like; so many unfair things, and I just plain don't want to grow up.
Maybe I'm just moody.
Everything is so political in business. I can't stress enough how important it is to know who your friends are. I feel like I am losing people just by not seeing them enough, but every now and then just when I'm feeling the most self conscious about things, I am reminded.

Thanks to those who in the last few days who showed support and encouragement, even brief IMs to check on me to make sure I wasn't losing my mind.
I read the Informer (absa newsletter) front to back and realized how nice it was to just be mentioned; I think human beings just like recognition, and I think of so many times people did little things to make me feel better and I just assume they know but I don't say anything... I'm not good with expressing stuff.
Sometimes I wish people didn't read this, and I could direct it to one person at a time. I like to let people know personally, but today I feel like just putting it here.

I am grateful for:
My family. so much. And I know some people seem to think so, but I would never give up family for career. Sure, I'm 'hardcore' about ABSA, but more than anything I enjoy it because of the people in it. I am thankful my relatives has given me such a strong feel for family.

Thanks to my mommy and daddy for driving up to Austin yesterday and having dinner with me and bringing me food; Christine for coming up and getting me Pocky (even though she came up to visit TC - hahaha. j/k. well, not really. but still. ^_^ ) and whoever it was (even though I asked them not touch anything) for cleaning my dorm room. heh. Or making my bed at least. I think it was my dad.
My Da4 Ah1 Yi1 for coming up to Austin also and bringing me Lao3 Pou2 Bing3, Xiao3 Ah1 Yi1 for coming up and reading my blog and noticing I wanted a 'Chicago Soundtrack' and getting one for my birthday, and my Jioh4 Jioh4 for saying he was going to bring me that really really good Pho from Houston, but deciding not to because it wouldn't be fresh.
And my shr4 biao3 jio4 and biao4 ma1 for visiting and ching3 kuh4 -ing at Mikado even though they weren't supposed to.

I really enjoyed dinner and more and more as I barrel though college I realize how much I miss our family gatherings (that I was lucky enough to have lots of back home).
But whew. thank goodness no more chinese spelling in this blog.

I am grateful that people don't stay permanantly mad at me when I'm anal and non-spontaneous and my schedule's too crazy to just 'drop by' like I did last semester (then again.. I didn't do so hot on tests last semester either). I feel I have to pick and choose what I can do nowadays, and it usually ends up me being in my room or somewhere else attempting to study.
I know people are still drifting away from each other, but hopefully we're also all latching on somewhere else. It's sad, but I'm realizing we're all finding like Cindy said once "our own niches" and that makes me happy for them.
I use to freak out about that stuff; now I just learn to be grateful for the people who are there for me now, but even more for the people who seem to have always been there.
Now that I think about it I am so grateful and I feel so undeserving; people I met just this year are so supportive (but that could always change - heh .. I gotta fit my cynicism somewhere..) and it's always a pleasant shock when the steady, battle scarred veterans willingly return to my aid in times of my insanity.

Thanks again, guys. You know who you are.

It feels like it's been a long week.
The 'weekend' wasn't even a weekend, it was just tiring.
Dallas was good; I feel the speakers were very good and taught me a lot. I think business can best be learned through these types of speakers; you can learn stuff in textbooks and stuff, but there are some things you just have to hear actual business people say to understand.
I got back on Friday so incredibly tired; more tired than I have been in a long time, I think. I could barely walk up the stairs. I cleaned my room, tried to study (3 important tests in the next 3 days) and stay awake, but I fell dead asleep around 1 (sorry eric)
Saturday.. blah. Because the picnic had been moved a week later (and I like to know and plan stuff weeks in advance) I had promised david to go to his bme professor's ranch because I ditched him all the time for ABSA. I hate missing absa events, and it was worse eric was up for the weekend and at the picnic and I sat in a car for hours to get to this place and hours driving back and that doesn't make sense but I'm tired of everything. I'm sorry I didn't see eric this weekend. I wish I hadn't missed the picnic. I feel I don't see anyone anymore. And I really really want high As on all 3 tests next week and I'm so tired of school but it just keeps coming at me over and over and the eco project is going to be so much work and I just wanna scream.
But my family came up to Austin Saturday night because my uncle and aunt from .. geez. I don't even know where they're from. Boston? anyways, they came to town and we ate dinner at Mikado's (on shanna and sarah's recommendation) which was really good. One of their sons (my cousin) is getting married and he was talking about how the other one is getting his MBA soon. He had studied for a semester in Florence - art. How neato. I would love to do that. here's his website: http://www.joncheng.com/
Anyways.
I feel my brain has not been fully awake for the past few days.
And I feel there are so many things I think and as I get older fewer fewer people I can talk to for real.
I miss people.
There are more and more things to do at the same time, and I hate choosing.
After this week. After this week. I keep telling myself that, but there always seems to be something else. Maybe after this week .. I can do stuff again?

I am so tired.
My brain is fuzzy.
Left for Dallas around 5, got there a little past 8. Ate dinner. (It was funny, 3 of the girls had ordered steaks and ribs)
Got back to the surprisingly decent hotel (4 people in 4 rooms each, only 38$ a night per room!) I had actually brought my book to study, but when Vivian, Phillip and Joe heard, they laughed at me. Everytime I wanted to go to sleep and mentioned a nap, Joe yelled at me.
So instead, Jerry and Tsung joined us and we played this really weird card game that had a seemingly infinite amount of rounds.
We played till 5 am, and by the time both us neat freaks, Vivian and I, took showers, it was 6am.
We woke up at 8.

I wanted to go into detail about what the speakers said, but I don't feel like it right now.
I'm cranky, hungry, tired and blAH.
Go away.

For the rest of Thursday and most Friday, I'll be in Dallas.
On a field trip.
FieLD trip.
Weird. I haven't been on one of those since.. middle school?
Anyways. It's for ABSA and we're visiting companies and stuff.
Then all Saturday I'm out and my parents and relatives are coming up to Austin for dinner, and half of Sunday is dedicated to IM softball, then a stupid BA meeting at 9, so I don't know how I will get any studying done. I'm bringing my mythology book to Dallas.
ha.

"Your blog and your digital camera, two menaces to society"
~Christy Wang

And right she is.

UNBEKNOWNST to society, I, Stephanie Chen, have, for the past year, been compiling a secret file of photographs and video clips.

Of whoM, do you ask?
Christy Wang.

Yes. The elusive, mercurial, sometimes psychotic, Christy Wang.
Being fatefully cast as her roommate, the conditions for my little collecting of candid shots have been most favorable; I am able to catch her in her element: crazy, unrestrained, bedraggled and fierce.
I plan to compile a documentary at the end of this year, detailing my harrowing experience as the Roomate of Christy Wang.

Was it easy? No. I suffered verbal abuse, physical blows, hunger, and fatigue at the hands of this primal being.
Was it worth it? You decide. I hold the key to the mystery known as Christy Wang. Never-before-seen-footage, audio clips, and more.

Sample of what you will recieve:
Christy: "You're a freak! You're a freak! You're a freak!" "Go away! Go away! Go away!" "I hate you!" "I love myself" "Eeyore has a center of balance"

Watch her attack my camera with missles of sticky-tack! Gawk in wonder as I bravely dodge and continue filming her antics!

Bidding starts at $1000.

(In the case of my death due to Christy's discovery of this entry, I would like to donate the data I have collected for the good of society, to prevent another naive, innocent young freshman girl from rooming with the likes of a potential murderess.)

I felt really bad for ordering food, but a Chicken Souvlaki pita with tomatoes, lettuce, mushrooms, alfalfa sprouts and mayonnaise with a Strawberry Banana SoBe really hits the spot.
I usually also tend to not drink a lot of fluids; it's almost a bad habit. But this stuff I can drink by the.. bottles? They're pretty big bottles. For me, anyways.
I really really like this drink.
Strawberry Banana SoBe.
yuM!

It is definite. I can onlY study outside my dorm, and with someone else there, but not talking much.
Why did it take me a whole semester to learn how I need to study?
It's not like it's hard, I just gotta sit down and do it.
This is what I'll do from now on.
I feel so much more productive...
but still so far behind...
*sigh*

I want sushi.

The weather is sO beautiful today. Airy and breezy, but just enough sun to be pleasantly warm.
On the way back from class there was this Steel Drum Band playing really pretty Calypso-Jamaican-Island-ish music at West Mall.
All around them were the tables and booths of different organizations; they really do seem to multipy during these summary days. The music, the waving of fliers, offerings of candy, and even one booth's display of colorful pinatas made my daily route much more festive. One guy cried, "Take a swing at Saddam!" as he held up a large effigy made of paper-mache.
As I continued back to my dorm and the wind picked up, trailing the music after me, I smiled and was reminded why I like Austin so much. Little things like that really make my day a lot better sometimes.

Ok yeah, so that experiment didn't work.
Sheer panic seems to be the only thing that gets me going.
I shall try another method tomorrow.

After all, tomorrow is another day.

I can't study. I don't know why. I'm just bad at studying. I can't just sit down and read; I'm one of those people that have to talk about stuff, teach the material to someone, have people ask me questions, etc. I need to interact.
I also always seem to get hungry or sleepy when I have to study. Then eating makes me more sleeping. SO I have made a new rule for myself to help facilitate my studying:
I can either eat, sleep, or study whenever. If I'm tired, I'll nap. If I'm hungry, I'll eat. Other than that, I have to be studying the rest of the time.
LESS TIME on computer.
Starting now. moniter off time.

I just took pills *gasp*
I am and always have been against taking pills for paltry headaches or minor pain.
I dunno why. I think if I can stand the pain and still walk, then why take weird medicines that everyone's so dependent on. "My head hurts. Take tylenol. I don't feel that well. Take advil"
But my head stil hurts, and Christy couldn't take it anymore, so she proffered an array of little bottles: Advil, Alieve, Tylenol, the works.
I took 2 advil. I think it's all psychological.
But I am feeling a bit better.
I have been forcing myself to eat all day. I still can't take in big amount like I used to, but it's getting better. At least I'm eating more constantly.
Thanks mommy for making me food.
I had an urge for junk food, after a day of carbs, mango, green bean soup (sweet), shrimp and snow peas, and strawberries.
I ordered pizza. I feel guilty.
Oh well. It'll be good. and christy will eat too.
Then I will study.

My head hurts my head hurts my head hurts.

My head has been hurting and I feel sick. I laid down too take a nap after my first class and couldn't even move for hours.
bah...

wah I'm so sleepy.
IM softball was really fun yesterday; the weather was perfect.
I woke up sore this morning and didin't know why (we practiced 3-4, played ga,e 4-5, and practiced 5-6) until I remembered what I did yesterday. ABSA supposedly won their first IM game (noT by default) for the first time in 2 years. hahaha. I had no idea we sucked that much. But we'll win this season!
The last few nights I had been sleeping really late (5am, 6am) but yesterday it was 3, so hopefully I'll be normal soon.
yay for Chicago winning Best Picture; boo for that S.O.B. rapist Roman Polanski for winning best Director. If I had it my way, rapists would be castrated instead of filtered through out wittle 'justice' system and let back out on the streets. I think it's fair. Some would say it's 'inhumane' and would screw him over for life, but tell me rape is not inhumane and doesn't screw up the victim for life. I hate it when people use that word so loosely, like "I r*ped that test!" Please don't ever use it around me.
Christy and I got in a very heated (agreeing) argument about it yesterday, and when you hear stories of females violate like that, you can't help but feel like castrating those f*ckers for it.
I was going to blog about it, but she agreed that would make me sound a bit.. extreme, so I didn't. Then I thought, when the hecK did I not write something because I thought it was offensive?? It's mY friggin blog.
Then was talked about people and friends (how I felt bad I didn't see anyone anymore - how people drift apart) and how some people stab you in the back and as you get older it's even harder to trust people. And how luck we are to have had a really stable family with parents who are gooD parents, and not stupid or abusive or too uptight.

I need to study more.
Going to class is so hard..

My tummy hurts.

I am so messed up I don't even know where to begin.
First off, sorry to everyone who I cut off and signed off and basically totally ignored the past ... 5X24.. 120? hours. You knoW I'm busy when I don't even blog.
1) My sleeping schedule is sO .. twisted around.
2) My stomach has been starving the past week that I can't even hold any food down, even though I'm starving. I'll eat and not be able to eat anymore and my hands will be shaking from hunger an hour later.
3) My eyes have been glued to my monitor for so long I see hazy colors everywhere I look.

So the next week will be used to restablish my relationship with all the friends I blew off (I'm really sorry), LEAVE MY DORM as I have been here waY too long. Start slowly eating again. Sleep normally. And STUDY STUDY STUDY.
I mean it. I'm so starving and I just ate. I will be eating like a moFO the next week.

Now back to important matters.

SWING OUT APPLICATIONS ARE OVER!!!!
Sure, we don't get results until April 10th, but I don't care anymore; nothing I can do now.
THE WORST experience today ever:

Went to sleep at 5 am. woke up at 10 am feeling like CRAP. Shanna and Joe are both sick and I'm running low on energy and food, so that was bad. Watch me be dead within 24 hours.
We rushed finishing until the lAST minute (and we wereN"T procrastinating) and went to kinko's an hoUR before deadline.
Everything that could possibly go run does:
The margins won't let us print a full page. So the shiny magazine paper we spent money on is useless. We have to use like a huGE double sheet of paper to print it.
The printing took ONE FULL MINUTE (at least) for a full color page, if not longer.
We couldn't find a color photocopier.
We had to cut the papers ourselves, photocopy in color, and reload the paper to print it on the back. THis was a very very hard and confusing process. We messed up several times. There goes 10 dollars.
The paper jammed.
We ran out of paper.
The automatic feeder made some copies crooked. And every now and then, between the three of us, we made just enough human errors to push our very last nerve (and believe me, we were all SO wired.) I've never seen shanna so worried and high-strung before. It was funny; it helped in relieving my tension.
Needless to say, we did noT make the 5 o'clock deadline (shanna and joe went to the office while I stayed at kinko's to ask about more time) and when we thought about them possibility of them not even accepting the application, after 40+ hours of work, sickness, hunger, and fatigue... yeah. It wasn't pretty..
They took it almost 2 hours late; whether the council will accep it or not is stil unkown.
BUT either way, it's off my hands, my throat is really starting to hurt, and my hands are shaking. I'm hungry again.
My body hates me for what I've done to it.
So now for some sex to make it happy.
just kidding.
I'm delirious.
bye.

Wow. I've been awake for over 20 hours.
I went outside to give Christy blankets (she slept on the couch) and the SUN was rising.
neatO.
I don't think I couldn't gone to sleep without finishing so much of the swing out thing. I was freaking out before I started at 10 pm because there was still sO much left to do and joe is sick and has been sleeping 13 hours a night the past 2 nights. I was practically hyperventilating.
Even as a kid, I was never able to go to bed when I was tired and then wake up early to finish homework; I would just end up worrying the whole night and not sleep at all.
Why is it when I sleep less, I can stay awake longer?
I am hungry as heck. But it's sleepy time.

In between doing my eco project, my suitemate was watching The Making of CHICAGO.
Man I love that movie.
Even now, watching clips of the scences, it holds me in thrall.
The director worked SO hard on this movie; he's a first time director, and he worked 14-16 hours a day, to the point of collapse once. He choreographed EVerything, and if you saw the movie, you'd be as amazed as I was. The dance numbers were spectacular. He practiced with all the cast over and over, doing the dances himself. He's awesome. He so deserves an Oscar for Best Director. The sheer physical, mental, and emotion dedication ... man..
I want to watch it again this Friday. And I want the soundtrack. *ahem* (birthday soon)

I want to leave.
I want to go away.

I tire of this life.
Class. project. class. project. eat. sleep. eat. sleep. more studying this weekend.

I want to talk and visit people and do stuff again. I haven't seen anyone in so long; I've been quarantined in my little room for the past 90 hours, not leaving except for class.

I want to visit different historical periods.
Golden Age of Rome. Imperial China. Anciet Egypt. Old South. Regency England. Frontier. European Enlightenment. Old West. Victorian/Gilded Age.
I want adventure and suspense and passion and action and DRAMA.
I want to see things, hear things, and feel things through someone else's point of view, play a different role for once.
I tire of this one.

This is why I devour historical fiction. I love anything that has to do with an era other than the current one.
sigh...

*I want more than this provincial life..*

Yahoo owns google owns blogger (just recently).
what cool names.

N3mesis85 (10:15:42 AM): thats ...good?
N3mesis85 (10:15:48 AM): cause...yahoo owns google..
N3mesis85 (10:15:54 AM): and yahoo is owned by a chinese guy...

hahaha

Nutrition is a very interesting class. I stayed awake the WHOLE time today!
The average recommended calorie intake = 2000 calories (Guys, 2200. Active guys, around 2400)
Big mac + Large fries + small shake = 1560 calories
That's over ONE THIRD of what you should take in a day in ONE meal!
sick.
300,000 deaths are due to complication with obesity a year, 400,000 for smoking.
And I see people drinking those hUGE 64 oz.coke things you get from 7-11? That equals drinking ONE CUP of pure sugar.
disgusting.
I hate how there aren't enough healthy places to eat.
I understand college students saying they have no choice but to eat crap; that's all that's available on campus.
But considering most of the obese population consists more of adult than students (although I guess your eating habits now determine a lot), people can eat healthier stuff, they just don't.
Over 25% of the population in 37 states are obese. Not just overweight, obese. That's 30% more than what you shoulD weigh.
And what's even more sad is the fact children are getting more and more obese at younger and younger ages.
There's this one little boy down my street that is about 4 feet tall and almost 4 feet across. I'm not kidding. He's round. I knoW he weighs more than I do. (which doesn't say too much, but I'm twice his age)
His dad is very thin, but his mOM stays at home all day and gives her overweight daughter manicures. It's sick. SICK I tell you.
The wealthy are just as uneducated about health, it seems.
Lately he's been riding bicycles and been out more, but unfortunately for him, no matter how much weight he loses, he will for the rest of his life, be more prone to gain weight due to an increase in the sheer number of fat cells he has due to his StupID mother's overfeeding. (I've seen his dad, and the fault lies almost solely on the unhealthy enviroment his mom created)
McDonald's is NOT a good meal for your kids.
geez.
oh. 10% of the entire population on any given day eats at McDonald's! Can you believe that?
It's not like we don't knoW it's unhealthy.. but I guess if the nutrition is not posted, we just ignore it.
Supersize meal = FIFTEEN SIXTY out of 2000 calories a day!
ugh.
America & ignorance makes me sick.

N3mesis85 (10:17:25 AM): well a 5 foot girl witha small frame isn't gonna eat as much as a 5'6 girl with a big on

While that is true, how can you explain we STILL have become a much much much more obese country in the past 10 years?
Obviously we're still taking in too much. Increase shows that it's not just genetics (while it does suck if you're just more prone to gain weight), but LARGELY environmental.

N3mesis85 (10:19:20 AM): im so sick of weight loss
N3mesis85 (10:19:23 AM): weight this obese that

TRUE too. It's not all about weight. In fact, it's not about weight at all, although that is an indicator of how much you're eating vs. exercising.
I stress healthy eating and exercising. Hell, you can eat as much as you want, as long as you don't eat too much crap and you exercise.
Christine is right. America takes a very bad approach to it. They eat the unnutritious crap like pigs, then try to supplement with pills what they don't get thru their diet and then take more pills to lose weight. JUST EAT RIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
And don't give me that buLL CRAP about me not understanding because I'm skinny. True, I have small bones, so if I gain weight it's hard to notice, but you can ask christine.
I used to be flabby. fLABBY! because I ate crap. In fact, let's ask her now:

Demona848 (10:23:21 AM): isn't it true I used to be flabby?
Demona848 (10:23:23 AM): because i ate junk
Demona848 (10:23:27 AM): and NEVER EXERCISED
N3mesis85 (10:23:27 AM): yea
N3mesis85 (10:23:35 AM): you were kinda squishy

she goes on to rant how on one ever noticed...
BUT now you can punch me in my iron stomach and I won't feel a thing! I will just break you with my sinewy arms of steel!
hahahha. just kidding. But really.

N3mesis85 (10:24:01 AM): you BLOODY SKIN AND BONES

I hate people feeling on me and telling me I'm disgusting, or calling me anorexic, or using me as a basis of comparison like I'm some freak of nature: "She's almost as skinny as you! .. I have a friend... she's about.. *looks closely* as skinny as you are"
I'm smALL BONED.
SMALLBONED!

N3mesis85 (10:26:44 AM): you LEFT YOUR ICE CREAM HERE BEEOCH
N3mesis85 (10:26:53 AM): WHHADDA YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME???
N3mesis85 (10:27:00 AM): IM ON SPRING BREAK FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

hahaha. it was yummy ice cream.

N3mesis85 (10:27:11 AM): hey, random thought
N3mesis85 (10:27:21 AM): when you move in to your apartment
N3mesis85 (10:27:28 AM): and im a freshmen living on campus
N3mesis85 (10:27:31 AM): do i get to keep your bedsheets
N3mesis85 (10:27:36 AM): since they'll be useless to you
N3mesis85 (10:27:40 AM): i really dont mind HTOSE hand me downs
Demona848 (10:28:32 AM): WHAT?!
Demona848 (10:28:37 AM): i lOVE my bedsheets
N3mesis85 (10:28:43 AM): so??!?
N3mesis85 (10:28:45 AM): you dont need them!
Demona848 (10:28:47 AM): they are soooo comfy
N3mesis85 (10:28:48 AM): they're super twin

N3mesis85 (10:28:57 AM): you gonna strech them to fit your big bed?
N3mesis85 (10:29:01 AM): you gonna make it a quilt?
N3mesis85 (10:29:02 AM): comon
N3mesis85 (10:29:06 AM): dont hog
N3mesis85 (10:29:12 AM): im trying to save money here

hahaha. so funny. time for class now. bye bye

N3mesis85 (10:30:10 AM): IGNORED.
N3mesis85 (10:30:12 AM): i see how it is
N3mesis85 (10:30:15 AM): i'll STEAL THEM

Demona848 (10:30:16 AM): ^_^
Demona848 (10:30:19 AM): i gotta go now
N3mesis85 (10:30:23 AM): gr.
N3mesis85 (10:30:26 AM): and leave me all alone????
N3mesis85 (10:30:29 AM): aGAIN?????
N3mesis85 (10:30:32 AM): FOR ANOTHER DAY??!?!??!?!?!
N3mesis85 (10:30:34 AM): I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE
N3mesis85 (10:30:36 AM): AHHHHHHHH
N3mesis85 (10:30:37 AM): THATS IT
N3mesis85 (10:30:40 AM): IM DRIVING UP THERE
N3mesis85 (10:30:41 AM): RIGHT NOW.

You know what's bad?
Christy having classes 9 am in the morning when I don't have on till past noon, then me having 9 am classes when she doesn't have class till noon. Always conflicting want-to-sleep-early times.
You know what's worse?
Me waking up at 9 am Mon, Wed, Fri and then not waking up till almost 1pm Tues & Thurs. Waking up late = sleeping late = sucks waking up early next morning. Always conflicting sleeping patterns.
It's like I can't help it; I just CAN'T get out of my comfy comfy bed when I don't have to. I LOVE sleeping in.
So I sleep a little less than 6 hours one night, a little more than 12 hours the next.
over and over.
Is this bad for me?

I really think my bed in my dorm and my sheets are the most comfortable in the world.
I really like sleeping in it.

Today, I walked to class and it was sunny and beautiful and ALL the sudden it started raining. Raining while it was sunny. It was weird. It wasn't drizzling, either, it was like Forrest Gump said, "big 'ol fat drops."

Poor Brandy cut off a part of her index finger. She described it in great detail. She named the cut off part after me. yAY. Aren't I special.

My eyes hurt.

The last two nights I've been working at my computer for 5 hours at a time. Photoshop. shovel in food. Photoshop. Drink. Bathroom. Photoshop. Rub bleeding eyes. Photoshop.
This swing out award thing is going to be awesome.
Now I need to 'take a break' and start on my eco project.. due Thursday.
Looks like I'll be catching up on reading all weekend.

I don't know why, but I just haven't gotten around to eating the last few days. I would feel really hungry, but I just couldn't eat; or when I did, it was in very small amounts and very light food. It's like I go through these cycles of eating a lot and a lot and loving food, and then I eat very little. It's strange.
Today after fencing I was starving, so I went to the cafeteria. I ate a bowl of strawberries and a small plate of salad. I finished in less than 3 minutes. And even though I was still hungry, I just didn't have an appetite. I don't get it. I wonder why. Everytime one of these low-appetite periods hit, it always takes days to get my stomach biG enough to start eating normally again. I have to start off with a little then add on.
This is not psychological, by the way. I do not have anorexia.
It's a good thing I'm in nutrition class. It really prompts me to eat healthy. It's not like people don't knoW what's good for them, but with all those junk food ads and vendors out there, sometimes we just forget and need a reminder.

Fencing was so fun today. We played this game at the end of class where everyone lines up in two rows facing each other, and you can't cross a certain line with your back foot. The goal was for each time to attack and hit the opponents across from them. You could team up, and hit whoever you want on the other side, you just have to stay on your side. I realized I am SO SHORT. Well, not realize like "oh my gosh!"; I always knew I was short, but further realized the short-comings (ha ha) of being small. A lunge attack with my short legs got me NOwhere, while this 6"5 guy could barely move and be close enough to hit me. At first I was dismayed, but then I realized It's so much easier for me to defend myself and I actually got like 6 people out in 2 rounds!! yay.
....
bear with me. I'm just compensating for a lifetime of being treated like a wittle girl and subconscious assumptions of EVERYONE that I come up against that I'm helpless.
I swear some of the jerkier guys smirk at me when I go into en guard position. "I can take this little girl. HA" Then they try to strong arm me by hitting my blade as hard as possible. I hate that.
This one arrogant guy who thinks he's a friggin musketeer with his little toss of the head acts so superior, but when it comes down to it, he swings like a maniac, basically just tries to knock my foil down, and I saw him cheat on the written exam! CHEAT in the middle of class on a pretty easy test. That makes me so mad. How can people be like that.
Luckily for me, fencing is onE class where I can do something about it. Those mean people made it all the more satisfying for me to ram the tip of my blade into thier kidneys.
HA. Take thAT.
I love that feeling.

I consider a great accomplishment to have stayed awake for more than half the classes in all 3 classes this morning. I don't wanna go to fencing.

I don't like waking up at 8.

Spring Break.
did stuff.
For some reason I always feel behind. More reading, more projects, more tests, constantly constantly constantly. Even when I'm on a break, I still worry, so I never totally enjoy myself. I worry and stress a lot. I don't know why.
It feels weird to be back. When I got home, it felt weird to be in Houston. I kept thinking I was in Austin. Now I'm in Austin, I miss my family a lot and wish I was in Houston. I don't think I've ever felt this sad before about. I want to go home...
And the depressing thing is, I'll only grow further from home...

In the pst 48 hours I have slept for 24. catching up on sleep.
sleep. eat. read. eat. watch movie. eat. sleep. read. eat. watch tv.
I bought a puzzle today and am putting it together to put up in my apt. room next year. I don't think I've ever finished a puzzle before.
I hAte this keyboard. It discourages me from typing.
so.. no more.

I don't believe my bed at home is as comfortable as the bed in my dorm. But I was tired as hell last night, having had little sleep the last few nights before because of stupid tests, and I slept for 12 hours straight. Yes, sick, I know. But it felt sooo good. I don't think I moved at all the entire night.
It's very inconvenient not to be able to drive.
I hope the rest of spring break isn't so blah.

OMG.
I have 2 tests tomorrow. 9am. 12pm.
And I played this game for 3 hours!
AHHHH!

It sucks when practically evERYONE is done already and I have two more tests in the morning.
poo poo poO.
I can not WAIT until Spring Break.

I keep eating but I still get hungry.

why am I so wide awake.
why why why why.

A few days ago I tried to sleep early (8:30pm) and wake up early to study.
Didn't work. I ended up waking up 2 hours laters, reading for an hour, and then sleeping for TWELVE hours.
So I learned that I just can't wake up early to study. I study late, then sleep late. So I studied (more or less) from 8 till 10 Jester City Limits, 11-1:30 Millenium Lab, ate a Pita, 3:30 - 4:30 Denny's. It worked pretty well.
Sleep till 1 tomorrow, class, quiz, study late again, Nutrition test 9 am Friday, then Biopsych at 12.
Eventually, after a few more experiments, I will have my optimal study schedule down.
MAN my metabolism is crazy though, I get hungry SO fast when I stay up. I am starving again.
Sleep time.

I had put on my profile this link to a weird looking picture of me, and JENNIFER saw it and felt obligated to send me every ugly picture of me she ever took.
I looked at them, and realized I am a very funny looking person.
So I made a collage of how weird I looked. ( I am also a very weird person)
Then to get back at Jennifer's laughing at me, I made on of her, too.
If I had Jennifer, I can't forget Zara. She is very cute funny looking person.
Then I got nostalgic and looked up picture of us hanging out. We used to take pictures alll the time. *sigh* Those were the days.
Then I found these, and I realized, I hardly see Zara anymore even thought we're on the same campus. Jennifer's in California now, and I won't be rooming with Christy next year.
Looking at these pictures makes me both happy and sad.

Procrastination is bad.
but Procrastination + Perfectionism = HeLL for me

yaY. I finished writing my business plan for BA. I didn't think it would take that long, but I am a stupid perfectionist. Plus I love writing, so I always spend longer on my BA things then I really should. Oh well. It's good practice. Like I told my sister, I miSS writing English papers!

Christy and I are both drinking chocolate milk from the vending machine.
It is thick and sugary and feels so good going down I have drank half of it already.
Me: Oh my gosh! This milk has 50% of your daily saturated fat, Christy! FIFTY percent!
Christy: No it doesn't! Only 25%!
Me: In oNe serving! This bottle as two.!
Christy: Gee. ThankS for telling me. WILL YOU STOP READING LABELS!?!

I can't! I've always done it. And now that I'm in nutrition class ... there is no stopping me.

maN.
Ansar and I just practiced for our fencing midterm tomorrow for almost 2 hours!
2 hours of swashbuckling, foil flinging, thigh flexing, arm hurting, finger breaking, tiring, sweaty, rePetitive ... practice.

I am a lucky person. I have good parents and relatives, I don't have to pay off student loans, I have friends who help me out when I need it, etc etc.
I am happy.
HAPPY.
Sometimes life doesn't go how you want.
Sometimes rude and lying and mean people blast music.
Sometimes you watch people cheat on tests in class and your heart wrenches with disgust at the unfairness of it all. That yoU had to study and they just got an easy A.
Christy and I were talking about this, and I've had this conversation with other close friends before.
As you get older, the number people you can count on and trust seem less and less..
and people you once thought were you friends grow further and further away from you.
and it just makes me want to cry.
I am so moody.

I have no incentive to work anymore.
It's like communism. How can you do your best and work your ass off if everyone gets the same amount in the end?
You can't.
I used to get angry. Hell, I was angry today. But now I'm just sad.
Group work has sucked since middle school. I used to think in 'real life' it would be different. In 'real life,' what you put out is what you get in return. But that's not true.
And many sources inform me that's just life. It will always be this way.
Rarely do I get sad instead of angry at something. And I am really sad. Like a heaviness in your chest. I don't know how to describe it.
And that's how I know something really upsets me.
I just don't care anymore.

Going to class was excruciating this morning. I swore my poor, fatigued body fought my conscience every step of the way.
It was drizzly (and I hate drizzly) and the clock tower started playing "Raindrops keep falling on my head" which I thought was funny, but then it played "Oh what a beautiful morning" which it was noT.
I went to all my classes though. I'm so proud. As if going to all my classes is such an accomplishment.
I'm taking a nap now.

I am so mad my hands are shaking.
2:30 am on a Sunday night. Music from downstairs is blasting again. I was asleep and I woke up because my BED was shaking.
I call security. It must have been the 4th time this year.
Christy and I go downstairs because I want to heaR what those inconsiderate... young... womeN.. tell security.

*security knocks on door* asks them if they were playing any 'loud music'
One of the fake hoe's, "******? were you playing any loud music? no?"

I almost choke with disgust. I HEARD the music reverberating their door! Christy heard it too! MANY MANY timES I've heard them!
So the guy wanders around and we go back upstairs.
I'm about to sleep when I hear it again. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.
This time our suitemate Melanie wakes up. She was calling security by the time Christy and I walked out our door.
She says the same thing I basically did. "yes, 811. they do this a LOT. very late at night.."

I swear I have never wanted to seriously kick someone's ass as badly as I did tonight.
Less than half an hour within a warning, they blast their music agaiN?
OBviously they were bothering someone. Did they noT have the decency to at least turn it down? I was amazed how rude they were. I didn't even have words for it. Maybe I am naive and expect too much out of people. Christy tolD me there weRE people in this world who were b*tches, but I just could not believe they could be such fAKE b*tches. (I'm sorry there is no other word for it) It's even worse when they knoW what they are doing and just don't care.
So we go downstairs again.
This time head of security is there. He knocks on their door, and I tell him the girls lied to the first guy the last time.
We have a 'confrontation.'

Security: blah blah.. noise complaint
Fake bitch 1: Music? Oh we haven't played music in over an houR.. it coulDn't have been us! Have you played music, fake bitch 2?
Fake bitch 2: Oh no. And fake bitch 3 or 4 haven't either.
Christy: We heARD music coming from this door when we came down.
Fake bitch 1: (she's really, really good at being fake) We were taLKing, could it have been taLKing? I'm soO sorry you can't fall asleep, by the way.
Me thinking: *LIAR! she is such a liar! ANY girl would be able to see she is being fake!*
Fake bitch 1 continues: maybe youR neighbors upstairs...blah.. blah..
Me: I walked around. All of the 15 times I have heard loud music in the past year. It always leads to this door.
Fake bitch 1: Well, we haven't played music. *prattles on and on*

At this point I want to fracture her fake little powdered cheekbone. I don't care how many times I play-punch people, (because believe me, I'm noT doing it maliciously) I have never wanted to be more seriously violent. It kept running through my head, *just one hit to her face.. I could put my fist to her face and stop that lying mouth once and for all*
But I settle for glaring at her.

Security: *watches us rallly back and forth* Well, next time we get a complaint .. blah blah.. RA (which is Karen who is nice and I don'T want to wake up).. and if RA hears it .. blah.. 3 written citations = kiCKED OUT

The magic words I was waiting for. I knEW there was a legal threat somewhere to shut them up.
She continues to be fake as Christy and I gawk in disbelief.

So I learned. Mean b*tches are hard to handle, but it's even worse when they're fake. It is so much harder to deal with fake people, guys and girls.
I hate fake people with mean intent more than anything. I realized I'll have to deal with a lOT of them in business.. and it makes me very disheartened.
There are so many inconsiderate people who act considerate, but I hope that they know that sooner or later, people wiLL realize what they really are like, and it will come back to bite them in the ass.

did I get any studying done?
NO.
I'm tired. I go to sleep.
Study hardcore hardcore tomorrow!

3 hours at a buffet. I smell like shrimp.
Time to start studying.

So we lost our last basketball game. poo. 4 points. Well, it was a good game, interesting 'season'. hahaa. SOFTbALL next week! and ABSA shall prevail.

It was a relaxing weekend. Which was good, because it's gonna be a bad week.
Fencing midterm won't be too hard, but I'm nervous! plus 2 tests and I HATE ECO so much.
sigh.
I have to write my stupid BA market reseach plan now. We have meetings every Sunday at 9 pm because one of my group members has to watch ALias.
blah.

Jeff and I were talking about how he always seems to have two things he really wants to do on one night, then absolutely nothing at all the next.
I wish we could be like that smallville guy in duplicity and be at 2 places at once. There is so much that needs to be done.

I've been sleeping a lot lately. Why do people make fun of me for not sleeping 5 hours a day?
At least I haven't been getting sick like hALf the people I know. poo. I like sleeping.

ope Devin (2:35:13 AM): hey you wanna go to katz later?
Demona848 (2:35:22 AM): ...
Demona848 (2:35:28 AM): are you serious?!?
Pope Devin (2:35:37 AM): yeah...... 5-7 is half price
Demona848 (2:36:07 AM): i just ate chocolate cake
Demona848 (2:36:11 AM): and was about to go to sleep
Demona848 (2:36:55 AM): i know what you're thinking
Demona848 (2:36:57 AM): i'm no fun
Pope Devin (2:37:05 AM): its ok
Pope Devin (2:37:16 AM): you're asian, I don't expect much

So I'm Asian. Today for ABSA we made dumplings, ate, and Karoake-d
And if you ask me, it was loTs of fun.