end of an era

i quit blog!

new blog

old post #4: my first 6th street experience

Monday, September 16, 2002
"Friday:
Eric came up to Austin! Rebecca, Eric, Daniel, and I dorm-hopped, which was actually quite fun. Andrews, especially its study lounge, has this really cool old feeling, but I didn't like it because I knoW someone died there. It felt funny. All the honors dorms connected, and we wandered around. Daniel rapped on ramdom people's doors so we could look at the rooms and when this one guy opened his door, I said "Tiawan!". Eric, of course, with his sTUPId smartness, said it was just mothballs. Oh.
We then went to visit Justin, who was (surprise!) playing video games. He then joined our entourage and we visited Rebecca's dorm at Castillian, which I had previously considered living in but then changed my mind after seeing so many hobos and bums on the way there. I meet enough riffraff as it is.
We then came back to my dorm where Rebecca and Eric were supposed to spend the night, but somehow I ended up with 3 more boarders in my humble abode. It was quite funny, actually, with Rebecca in Christy's bed, me in my own, Eric in the middle, and TC sprawled next to my desk and Justin scrunched in a fetal position in front of Christy's. He didn't even spread out the sleeping bag; just bundled it under him and conked out. We discussed Justin's lazyness quite frequently this weeked; I had to beg him to take his contacts out when I saw that he still had them wrinkled and dried in his bloodshot eyes. Then the next morning he woke up (first one up - to watch cartoons) and was so lazy that he watched 3 hours of tv without them. Interesting guy. oH. and don't even get me started on his impression of the Red Stripe commercials. Rebecca, Eric and I stayed up till 5 am and watched Eric's snot ball grow (don't ask). Eric's blogs always sum up the emotional aspects of our gatherings better than I can. But it was very 'awwww', if that makes any sense.
We went to dinner Saturday to celebrate Jerry's getting old, I mean, birthday, at the Thai noodle place with the in my opinion very stupid name. Madam Mam's. Ugh. Anyways, on the way there Rebecca and I kept getting distracted by the profuse array of jewely stands and clothing stores that studded Guadalupe Street. We oohed and aahed and compared tastes as 6 hungry asian guys waited. ( thanks guys ^_^ ) Finally decided to go shopping (for real) some other day and reluctantly left. Daniel and Jeff were there this time, and after we ate we wandered to the Union where we met up with some of Daniel's friends and all played pool.
Then at 11 someone mentions some sorority party down 6th street and I quell a prudish urge to say, "go to a party? a sorORity party? down 6TH street?! now?!? it's 11!?! I was supposed to study!!" I just smiled and rationalized that it waS Saturday night and I might as well go see what the fuss was all about anyways. I'm usually up for new experiences. Then everyone decides that they have to dress up and we spend another hour at our prospective dorms changing. We drive, get lost, and find parking faR away after another hour, and arrive outside the club at 1:30 am.
Downtown Austin is great. I love the architecture, the historical feeling, the horse-drawn, flower-decked carriages driven by people in suits and top hats. The weather at night is not humid like Houston, but is light and airy, pleasantly breezy. It was a nice night. Then you turn a corner.
6th street is hard to describe; one must go there to feel the bass of the live music blaring from pubs, shaking the pavement beneath your feet. For me it was quite entertaining just watching the throngs of people cramming into the small bars and spilling back out into the streets in a ceaseless exchange of bodies. I had never seen such a large concentration of people that were within 5 years of my age. Cigarette smoke wafted with the breeze and mingled with the loud music, raucous laughter and neon lights in a chaotic swirl of sensory overload. But when I looked in the club and saw it was dark, smoky, crowded, and loud, I kinda lost interest. Plus, I didn't wanna pay 10 bucks to noT dance (i'm fruGaL, eric, not cheaP). So Justin, who didn't feel like dancing either (surprise, surprise) and Daniel's friend who drove us there walked around. We got to this one part of the street where bars turned into Tattoo and 'massage' parlors and I pointed it out and we turned around. Justin then wanted to find a place to sit, and we arrived in front of a schmaltzy, ritzy hotel. Justin wanted to go in because his parents ate there once. I just saw a bride and bridegrooms and bridesmaids and said 'oooh!'. So we went in.
It was very 1800's, and walking in, with the suits and dressed promenaded around us, make me feel like I was in another time. I love that feeling. That's why I love historical movies and books. Anyways, Justin promptly curls up on a fancy, over stuffed armchair (tennis shoes on the chair and all) and falls asleep. He looked so outta place I couldn't help but laugh. Anyways, to make it short, a fight broke out at the club around 3, so they kicked everyone out. Rebecca and Jeff did a pretty good job of acting out what happened, with the ghetto black DJ scolding and stupid fobby asian guys fighting. The driver guy Abe and Rebecca came back to my place and finished off the wings from last night. I couldn't believe the guy would just drive up to Austin and not bring anything, no change of clothes, toothbrush, nothinG. Rebecca and I agreed girls would never be able to do that. Especially me, with my 2 showers (at least) a day and dusting every other day with my Clorox sheets. We exchanged our most embarrassing moments and went to sleep at 4am. My sleeping schedule's sO messed up.
I then tried to study the rest of Sunday and kept falling asleep. It is now monday and I've read and am mostly caught up, but I feel it's never enough. Hopefully I'll sleep before 1 today and study more tomorrow. g'night!"

old post #3: my first experience in college with a bong

Friday, September 06, 2002
"yesterday some neighbour/friends on my floor asked if we had any aluminum foil. i said no and asked what for, and he and his roomate claim it was for some engineering project. we had some signs with our names on the door that had aluminum foil in it, and he asked if he could take those. i was reluctant, but i said it was ok i guess since it was for a project and he really needed it. THEN i walk into his room later and see the 'project'. some lamp stand and some pipe thing sticking out and the aluminum foil on top. I asked what the 'project' was supposed to do, and he stared at me like i was some kinda idiot and said it was a smoking device.
oh.
boy am i naive."

Old Post #2 - my first college psychopath stalker

September 4th, 2002
". . . I'm standing at the check out line cursing the co-op in my head for making me pay 50 bucks for a paperback book when this guy comes up behind me and asks how I'm doing in an almost unintelligible voice.

I turn around. Mid twenties, dirty blonde, short stringy hair, shifty eyes (I always look for those - people like that are either really shy or really... untrustworthy), skinny, not tall, and more importantly, invading my personal space. My first impression was "well, so this is what a stoned person looks like."

I back up a little and can barely keep down a look of repulsion as I gave a tight-lipped smile.

Don't get me wrong. I love weird, eccentric people. One time I was walking down the street with my arms full and I dropped some sugar packets on the floor while walking down the Drag and some guy with a long beard, huge metallic beads around his neck, a big crazy pony tail, huGe wide legs and a cigarrette bent over, picked them up and handed them to me wordlessly. I had thought he was pretty interesting looking, and now knew he was nice as well. So do noT assume that I judged this guy purely by appearance.

It's hard to describe. The moment I saw this co-op guy I began to feel uncomfortable. I don't know how to put it in words, but I didn't like it. I've never felt uncomfortable around people I didn't know before. But this guy was different. Instincts, I guess.

Anyways, I turned quickly around, relieved to see that the girl in front of me was done. I paid for the book and realized the guy waiting behind me didn't even have a book.

ok.. maybe he just wants to chat...
I walk out of the store and notice him following me.. I stop at the stoplight and pray for the 'walk' sign to appear. No such luck. He asks for my name, and I give him my first name. He doesn't tell me his, which made me kinda wary.

"So where did you get that cell phone?"
"from home"
"Can I see it?"
[I put it away]
"Where do you live?"
[I turn in the opposite direction and decide noT to go back to my dorm]

I stop and pull out my cell phone and pretend to dial while walking. He keeps following. I stop and pretend to engage in conversation with my imaginary friend on the other line. He stops at a nearby newpaper stand and picks up some magnets. Now I'm starting to feel reaLLy wary. He leans in to show me the 'magnets' and I lean away.

I let out a discreet sigh of relief (I never thought I would actually do something so cliche) as the light turns green and I power walk across the street with this guy trotting at my heels like a (stoned) puppy.

"So what's your last name? Are those pants velcro?"
[What the f*ck?! why the hell is this m*thrf*cker looking at my pants.]
"When did you get them? Do you take classes here? "
I answer with brief, vague [fake] answers and walk faster, looking for some building with lots of people to go into.
"So how tall are you? How much do you weigh? 90? 100?"
"no"
"how old are you? Do you have a boyfriend?"
I start to feel a little weird adreneline rush and ask him what the library in front of us is called. He doesn't know.

I go in the main lobby area, and he follows me. I go into the library, he follows me. During this whole walk I'd stopped at various places and he'd always stop with me. It freaked me out. Don't get me wrong. I love meeting new people. But you gotta believe me when I say that there was something very.. off putting about this guy. He looked like the kinda person who's face appears on channel 13 news when some little girl's been disembowled.

I mean, you know me. I am an agressive little girl who's thrilled to be taking kickboxing so I can kick some ass and usually feel that I can handle most situations. But that doesn't mean I walk around campus at night (I make my male friends escort me) or take stupid risks like being friendly to someone I feel verY uncomfortable with.

But In cases like these, my feeling of security overides his feelings. So I sit at a computer between two people. I feel better as I log in and pretend to check my e-mail, meanwhile watching the stoned puppy out of my peripheral vision.

What I saw freaked me out. He goes up to the front desk and slowly runs his pointer finger over the tape, stapler, pens, etc. that they have up there for students to borrow. He picks up a pair of those black, long scissors with the heavy duty blade and runs his other hand over the blade.
He then walks around the room, poking his head into 'off-limit' storage closets and wandering around with the scissors in his hand, taking off the 'do not that this out of the library' label.
yeah. ok. i'm not scared.

As soon as he's on the other side of the relatively small computer room, I power walk the hell outta there and see him following me out of the corner of my eye. I head straight for the door labeled 'women' and begin to call every guy friend I have. Right now I am officially spooked. A friend agrees to meet me there. After waiting in the restroom for 5 minutes and see him go down a flight of stairs. I go out to the lobby and sit at the bench at the foot of the stairs, leaning against the railing. I envision him coming back up from the same direction and stabbing my unsuspecting back.

I move down the bench and sit against a wall.
Footsteps on the stairs behinds me. I jump.
A man in a similar tan shirt with blonde hair. I subconsciously cringe.
I rapidly scan every guy in the room and every guy that walks within a 30 foot radius of me, pulling my arms close and zipping and buttoning my bag in a stupid attempt to feel secure.

Libraries dont' make you feel warm and fuzzy anyways, and as soon as I saw the freak walk out the door and a friend coming in the other door, I ran outside. He had to go to class, so I said I'd be ok walking by myself.

I still didn't want to go back to my dorm, so I am now in the Welch library, a smaller, older, and basically more obscure place. I set in front of a window where I can glance up and see everything (and everyone) behind me and next to the entrance where I paranoid-ly look up everytime someone comes in.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel really.. gross. yucky. icky. and there's something deep down, some repulsion towards that nasty guy that I still can't push out.
Like that time a sub made me stay after class senior year and was all nasty and sitting too damn close. some of you know that story. I felt like a horrible person all day. I felt dirty and withdrawn and not angry like most people would think I'd be, but ... i dunno. it's not describable. it's just a feeling you get where you are wary of every guy you know and see and just wanna fold your arms around you and have everyone stay away. Before I walked it off coming out of the library, I was actually faintly shaking for awhile.

I feel stupid."

Man I WAS stupid freshman year. Now if that shit happens, I'd ask him to get the hell away from me or just call the police. One thing I left college with is that I should always trust my instincts and not put with with crazy crap like that. I hope I'm no longer as unsure of myself. After 4 years of murder/rape/stalker/break-in stories, I am a LOT more paranoid/careful. So maybe college is helping me stay alive longer.

24 Donuts

One day at 6:30AM two little asian girls decided

to go on a donut run instead of going to sleep.

We head to Krispy Kreme, and decided to follow the motto:

"Share a box and share the fun!"

We got our hot donuts . . .

. . . and got a hot hug from our first customer.

Some were a bit exasperated to be woken up at 7:30am . . .

. . . but she warmed up to us.

Donut count: 2 eaten + 8 given away = 10 donuts

Some kept us waiting . . .

. . . but rewarded us with a smile.
Donut Count = 15

Some were just flat out grumpy . . .

. . . but faked it for the camera.
Donut Count = 18

Some didn't answer at all . . .

. . . and it was quite a chilly morning.

Just when we had given up hope . . .

. . . a shock of hair appears above.

The hair accepts our donuts!
Donut Count = 21

"Wtf is this . . ."

". . . you guys are crazy. . ."

Donut Count: 24!

Donut Run = Success!

Rewinding

I just spent the past hour reading and talking about my past.

I read my old blogs and maybe because I'm allegedly 'neurotic' and all up in my head, when I stopped reading I felt like I had gone back to the past and just returned again - it felt weird. I felt the same things all over again - anxiety, fear, disappointment, excitement, giddiness; a wealth of emotions from just a few months into college.

For awhile I was sad I drifted away from blogging and even talking on AIM - but today I realized that only means I found actual people to talk/learn/share/vent to, and I should feel lucky instead.

So as a tribute to my past 4 years of college, I'm going to post a new OLD blog every day that I select from my archives. This will help me relive my past and track my progress as well as let the people who know me today see what I was like back then. And who wouldn't want to learn about me?

JUST kidding, yeesh - this is more for myself than anything. Let the reliving of the past begin!

Excerpts:

8/23/2002
"My computer is packed, along with the rest of my life into 6 boxes my dad uses to file his business papers ... Yeah. I'm getting depressed. All my previous heart-lifting anxiety that I had about getting the hell outta here is slowly being drained out of me and being replaced by the proverbial leaden weights of nostalgia and pre-mature homesickness. I brought a small stack of family album pictures for the heck of it . . . and there will be a pretty, silver picture frame of my sister and I when we were kids on my desk at Austin.
Ah. Those ephemeral, carefree years of innocence.

Childhood is over.

T_T I feel sad now. " (How stupid was I!?! If I felt I was a child these past 4 years, I must've REALLY been an idiot coming out of high school...)

8/24/2002
"I spent the past few hours with David, Jonathan, and Danny [high school friends]. . . the epitome of engineer nerds. I mean, our lunch conversation consisted of computers, math, and science. Here I am, using mY computer for instant messaging, e-mail and blogs, and not taking a single math or science course, and that's all they talk about. But no, I'm not bitter. I don't feel left out. So now I'm back in my dorm room again. Where the hell are the normal people to hang out with?! (I guess I hadn't found ABSA yet)

"my room number is 911. Nine Eleven, Nine One Ene. Either way, it's a sucky, cursED room number. geez....... at least no one will forget it....."

08/28/2002
"tschew2you (11:56:10 PM): me harrison and cindy went and saw a shaolin video of a guy being punched in the groin and they thought that it reminded them of you
Demona848 (11:56:30 PM): thanks....."

"Demona848 (8:03:28 PM): i'm hungry
Demona848 (8:03:29 PM): damn dobie
Demona848 (8:03:31 PM): closes at 7
SilverDragon129 (8:04:04 PM): want Ramen? You can come by to get some from me if you want
Demona848 (8:04:17 PM): but it's not healthy..
SilverDragon129 (8:04:38 PM): *Shrug*......trade your health for convenience :-P "

EDIT: Thao doesn't believe I will post an old blog every day. So we made a bet: If I don't post every day (except the days I'm on an airplane to Taiwan) then Thao has to write a Xanga entry at least once every 2 days. If I lose, I have to write a post once a week on a topic of her choosing (ex: Why Thao is So GREAT) HA! We'll see about that! Let the games begin!

last night of senioritis & procrastination

It's 3:45 am and I have two finals tomorrow. I've yet to start studying.

Instead I cooked dinner, washed and de-stemmed vegetables, cut up fruit to put into tupperware, and watched will & grace.

I spent almost and hour and a half compiling and formatting 30 pages of notes for both classes so they would all be in outline form because I can't stand to study from a compilation of other people's notes when it's not uniform with mine.

Then there was a humUNGO roach in my bathroom so I after I screamed and squealed for thao and louis to make it go away, (he killed it, she swiffered my floor while I whined) I had to vacuum the apt and clean my room to feel remotely safe again. I hate this apartment now.

Now, besides, blogging, I am officially out of things to do to delay studying. It just struck me that tomorrow is officially my last day of class, eveR.

I think I'm going to shower and kind of study in bed. If I fall asleep, oh well.