Being sick is very uncomfortable.
That is all I have to say.

Man I went to bed last night feeling hoRRIble. But I slept under 4 layers of blankets for 12 hours, and now I feel significantly better.
waH! I'm phlegmy!

I woke up this morning feeling like craP.
My head hurt, my throat hurt, I was stuffy, and just now I let out 3 successive sneezes in a row.
Usually, this is ok, because I'm at home anyways, but I had gotten tickets to the Nutcracker ballet thing, and I had to go. I mean, I wanted to, just I wish I wasn't feeling crappy. It was really good. Maybe when I'm in a better mood I'll talk about it.
Then I ate sushi, which was probably a bad idea, but I was in the area and I really really like it. The food was really good too, and maybe when I'm in a better mood I'll talk about it.
I felt like crap the whole way home, and I puked up a little green (avacado from the caterpillar rolls we ordered) and pink (salmon sashimi - not as good coming up and going down).
My head now really really hurts and I am sneezing a lot. And my throat hurts too. I feel really cold but hot at the same time. **cough cough** *sneeze* wah I don't feel good.
poo!

Why is time passing so slowly?

This has been the longest day ever.

I have been bored all day.
BORED outta my mind.

I've been sitting around in my bright red plaid flannel pajama pants and big green plaid flannel shirt. So Christmasy and warm. Woke up late, ate a steaming bowl of the leftover huo3 guo1 stuff from last night, lounged around, apathetically tried on different outfits to wear for ballet (nutcracker) on friday, listened to lots of music and filed an enormous stack of invoice statements things in numerical order for my mom for my dad's office. I listened to chinese music, then oldies, (because my mom was in the same room = no alternative) and now I'm listening to slower country songs that are really good.
It's only 5 o'clock and the sun is setting already; I can see it right outside my window, melting into a pool of gold. The ashen trees framing all this all look almost dead, my sister left early this morning to go on a ski trip, I was supposed to mix her a CD before she left and I didn't and I feel really bad. My dad is at work. He has been all day. During Christmas! *sigh* It's getting darker and I feel so.. languid....
Several people told me last night how it just didn't feel like Christmas this year, and I agree. I'm not sure why. But I'm actually quite content. my mom and I talked about how I think so far into the future and I am too big a worrywart; I should just take things as it is and not worry and try to plan my life so much. blah. I can't help it. I worry what I'll do, what I'll be, where I'll live, how much I'll make, what everything will be like. But right now I feel really calm. Maybe it's this country music. Music reflects and alters my mood all at the same time.
I think I'll just sit here and listen to it and veg out and play online games.

MerryChristmas.

It is Christmas Eve.
And once again, it is rainy and grey and cold.
For some reason I can't get half the Christmas lights to work. no big family party this year. But yummy yummy food. Christine and I are wrapping presents (for each other and parents) in the same room right before we exchange.

We exchanged. It was fun. I actually got useful things from wei wei (christine). pretty hair clips (so I'll stop stealing hers) blue butterfly picture frame (i seem to have a blue butterfly theme going on in my dorm room) and big cushiony headphones (no more christy's music! YAY~ I can listen to my stuff again! The ones I have now hurt my ears).
thank you! And I'm going to put Cindy's Legolas poster up on my wall. my first poster of a guy. whoO hoo. Thanks cindy!
If anyone can find a poster of Hugh Jackman as Wolverine, he can be for my Alpha male days. For those to whom I have explained the Alpha/Beta male theory.. you know what I mean. For those whom I haven't, I guess I should explain that:
Basically, Girls have estrogen peaks, depending on what time of the month. Estrogen highs usually come during ovulation and right before pms. Studies have shown that women are more attracted to the testosterone-pumped, masculine Alpha males (like hunky wolverine) - during these estrogen highs because they are at their most fertile and looking for a sexual partner. During the other 3 weeks, females are attracted to the Beta males like Legolas; more boyish face, cute yet not as rough and rugged. These Beta males are more of the reliable type.
Research on birds, said to be some of the most monogamous animals, shows that this really is true. 10 percent (quite a bit) of female birds do EPC (extra pair copulation), and it's usually those mated with birds of less masculine qualities (in a bird that might be a smaller ... tail). They actually go off and mate with Alpha males and then the Beta males raise the eggs. Basically: Alpha males = copulation. Beta males = raise baby. Yeah. real suckness, huh?
In real life terms, Beta guys are the ones you want to be a relationship with, Alpha males are the ones you want when you're on an estrogen high. Wolverine (hugh jackman - click hERe .. heLLo) is a definite Alpha male. He is pure ogle material. Legolas not as much, more of a beta, but when he has that bow and arrow.. sigH... he is definately upgraded ( hOT damN <-- click). Man those are some great pictures... I really have very few males that appeal to me so much.. but those two shall always have a place in my heart .. always... *sigh*
Ok. Enough of that.

Merry Christmas everyone!

I was hungry last night, so I had a huge bowl of chicken scallop soup before I went to sleep. As I lay down, I could feeL is sloshing in my stomach. It was really gross and cool and the same time. I mean, you could heaR it! I remember when I first made this discovery; I would purposely drink a lot of liquid on an empty stomach and run to an nearby adults and shake my whole body so they could hear it swooshing around.
oh. And I'm awake before 11am! How amazing it is ~ So proud I am!

I was in a bad mood for half the day today. I don't know why. I was feeling really down about the whole Christmas thing. For one, I'm usually all pumped up with Christmas spirit, but with the exception for a few days in November, I haven't been at all.
Christmas is just a time when you have to buy gifts that you spend all these time thinking of and shopping for, only to give to a person who A) doesn't like the gift half as much as you thought they would've or B) didn't get you anything and now curses you for making them socially obligated to get you one in return. Or, even worse, you don'T get someone something because you think they wouldn't want to get you anything, and then they give you something, and then you're screwed.
I feel everything is so damn commercialized now - we grudgingly put up lights 'because everyone else in the neighborhood had,' we don't have a tree, it's rainy and grey, instead of our annual big family Christmas party it's just a small dinner (which is not bad - it'll be good food)... but stilll... no little cousins running around, no karen judy michael! not enough people!
*sigh* oH how I long for days of tradition and snow, glowing fireplaces and gaggles of carolers, gatherings of close kin, muffled laughter against a background of Christmas CDs as old as I am... Ok, so that's not how it really was. I was feeling melancholy & melodramtic, k?
Anyways, I ate some good food and did some shopping (I would like to say I think I am officially done.. Thank GoD) and spent a long time at Barnes and Nobles. We read comic strips on the floor. I saw Gene there, who was with a pretty girl, but as I did the eyebrow raise thing, and knowing grin and gave him a silent thumbs up, he said (out louD - good job, gene.. geez) "No, no.. she's not mine." hahaha. anyways, I thought it was pretty funny. whatever you say gene... but I think it's nice you and Joe don't have an exclusive relationship.. shows real open-mindedness.
As david and I were leaving B&N, however, the generators hummed several times and the lights went out in the whole store. It was so cool. It happened twice! yeah.. that's the highlight of my day.. sad, huh? anyways, when I looked outside, I realized it was pouRINg. Rainy, windy, and incredibly cold. There was a bunch of women huddled in the front door waiting for their stalwart men to venture out against the elements and bravely bring the car around.
I feel a bit better about the Christmas thing now. I think I was just stressing over buying stuff and hopefully I'll be able to enjoy tomorrow! I need some Christmas music. And gifts! I thought I didn't need anything.. but after buying all this stuff.. gimMIe gimmIE gimmIE! Maybe a bunch of things I don't need wrapped up all pretty-like is juSt the thing to get me over the crappiness that is me feeling I can't shake. Knowing me, I'll be all giddy by tomorrow. Maybe I'll baKE!

I highly dislike this monitor. It is fuzzy and discolored.

Holy~ I have never shopped for this long in my life, I don't think.
I met Jeff at West Oaks Mall at 12:30, and I just now got home. We went to First Colony also, Walmart, Sweet Tomato and Toys R Us.
My feet are now starting to throb a bit.
But I got a lot of shopping done; it was the most efficient I've ever been, actually. As soon as Jeff saw my eyes wandering to clothes and shoes, he'd block the store and we'd go on. It was like the opposite of shopping with Joe. I still spent money, but at least not on myself.
I felt kinda guilty bringing home all these packages, but at least I'm supporting the economy, right? Right.
We went to 5 different places and couldn't find Legolas posters. Surprisingly(?) Jeff likes him too. hahaha. Of course, Jeff only wants to be like him so he can get the girls. He doesn't like Legolas in the way I do, I don't think. ^_^ Out of all those Lord of the Ring poster bins at Spencer's only the ones with Legolas in them were empty... I wonder why... it was quite distressing.
I don't want presents this year. There is nothing I lack, and what I'd really appreciate the most are long, thoughtful cards from friends. After trying to figure out from everyone who planned to get gifts and who didn't, I just got tired of it all and finally gave up. I don't believe in buying something for the sake of reciprocity. There's really no thought in that.
So today, I just got stuff for people for whom I happen to see things for. I hate how now adays people feel guilty about buygin gifts, like they have to buy something 'just in case' so the other person's feelings get hurt. That sucks so much. So. Anyways, cards are nice.
It's been a long day. Fun, but long. The malls are ridiculously crowded (every time I walked I felt like my swinging bags would decapitate a nearby toddler), and traffic was horrible, but it was nice to have the company of one sister (Jeff is adopted) to replace the one that DITched me. Hahaha. Just kidding, Christine. and Thanks, Jeff.
I'm going to get a massage now.

I saw Gangs of New York.
Despite all the "Leonardo di Caprio sucks", blah blah blah, it was a very good movie.
Very different and interesting, and with all the smaltzy and predictable crap they call movies lately, that is a good thing.
I don't know how to describe it. And that is rare for me.
So just go see it. If you dislike it, and give me a good reason, I'll pay for your ticket. Ok, not really. I mean, it wasn't the greatest movie, or my personal favorite, but very worth seeing.
I shopped some. I will shop some more tomorrow.
I like the cold weather. I like sleeping in the cold weather!

I had zucchiNI bread today. It was very good! Tasted kinda like banana nut bread.
It is getting cold again. For some reason I don't feel very Christmasy at all.. which is horrible. What can I do??
I keep having this weird sleeping schedule. Sleep at 4 am, wake up around 12. That's not enough sleep, so the next night I sleep at 11 pm, wake up around 12. Then that's too much, so I can't sleep till 4 am the next day, and the cycle repeats.

The mouse trap doesn't work. The mice at all the cheese, but no one got caught in the cage!! aRGHH! So I'm basically just ensuring their suvival now by feeding them. Wonderful. I have new pets. Maybe I really shoulD get one of those trap kinds that snap down.. that's so gross though.
*sniff sniff* *chew* *SNAP!!* *SQEEAK!! EEK!! SQEEEEK!!* *bones crunch blood spatters*
Mouse bones go crunch crunch.
yummy they are roasted over fire. Maybe if I catch enough, I can make shish kabobs!
hahaha. just kidding. I know that is very gross.

Went to Cindy's house last night. From the 'xanga' of one of the guys there - I think it sums it up pretty well:
" Tonight was one to remember; full of bugolgi, Korean spareribs, kim, kimchi, this indescribably good salad, the best pearl milk tea I¡¦ve ever had, rice cakes, good friends, intense foosball, great stories, and a girl that manifested a hilarious case of Tourette¡¦s while playing Mario Kart 64."
That would be me, I guess. The one with the Tourette's. I haven't played in awhile, and I guess I really go into it.
The food was SOO good. I got the recipe for the salad; hopefully I'll get off by lazy posterior sometime and make it. The 4 girls that were there played some rounds of mah johngg, all the while joking we were turning into those old Tiawanese women and making loud exclamations in Cantonese & Chinese. Everyone was very nice and friendly and I had great food and a great time, so thanks Cindy!

We put up Christmas lights today. Took aLL afternoon. As we were getting out the boxes, David noticed a nest behind the bags of Christmas lights. I went over to look, and there were these two furry black mice that were huddling in the corner amongst a pile of pecans.
I was surprised how cute they looked. So I went "aww... they're so cute... EEEK! AHHHH!! *sHHreeiKK* AHHHH!" They had began to run around the garage waY to close to me.. I screamed until I literally saw stars and had to stop. Yeah. I never knew I'd react like that.
But curiousity always got the better of me, and each time they hid in another corner, I had to go look. Then they'd move again, and I'd scream my head off. I noticed a trail of poop that led to our shoe closet, and it was disgusting. There was poop everywhere. So we set up a mousetrap (one of those humane ones where they get the cheese and it closes the door and they're trapped inside). Christine actually wanted to keep them. siCK, I tell you, siCk.
So we did the lights, blah blah. At least it looks kinda festive now..
Shopping! I need to go shopping!

Lord of the Rings was great! I want to fight in battles now! I want a sword!
I want..... Legolas!!
That whole sliding down the stairs on top of a shield and shooting orcs with his bow and arrow??
Be stiLL, my icy heart!
*sigh*
Anyways. It was good. Go see it.

AnD, Pirates of the Carribbean looks promising. Not from the preview, because it didn't show jACk, but because of the cAst.
Johnny Depp AnD Orlando Bloom (Legolas).
Christine and I almost fainted. But we didn't. We settled for squealing instead. Then on the way out, we see this life sized poster of Matthew McCounaughy in some stupid movie about.... who cares. It was a life sized poster of Matthew McCounaughy!
It is going to be a greaT movie season.
Hahaha. yes. I am rarely this estrogen charged. But believe it or not, I aM a girl, (gasp) and picky about my men. Rarely does a crop of such fine specimens appear on the big screen so close together.
I think I shall swoon.

Yay! I am awake before noon. It may not sound like much, but it is quite an accomplishment.
I am going to see Lord of the Rings today!
I'm really hungry.
I am very lucky to have very good parents and a (relatively) stable family.
I may be psychotic, but not as much as I could be.
I guess everything in life is a stupid lesson.

David and I were playing trivial pursuit today, and one of the questions pertained to Leonardo da Vinci's fresco. He said something about the Sistene Chapel, and I said that was Michaelangelo, and proceeded to tell him what a fresco was (paint mixed in with the wet plaster of the wall so it'll last longer) and how da Vinci was the Last Supper guy. After awhile I realized I was rambling and I just stopped. He looked at me and said "To me, they're all ninja turtles."
......
yeah...
I told him I guess I'm just as bad; when Christy plays all these classica songs and symphonies or whatever and tells me about them, I say "Oh! I recognize this! They played these songs in the Bugs Bunny cartoons!" (They did! Those old ones? All those classical pieces....)
I guess we all have our uncultural sides.

I have been sleeping at 4 am and waking up at 1:30pm. It's really bad. Now I can't go to sleep.

I HAVE CABIN FEVER!
That means I am acting crazy. I make random noises and jump around and sing at the top of my lungs and make kicking and punching noises because i miss kickboxing and lalalLALAL! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Do you know what Cabin Fever is??

I've been in front of the computer all day. Add/Drops.
I GOT FENCING!! WHOO HOOO. 3 classes in all of UT. 22-26 people in each. And I got it!

I haven't heard a single person that I know from college that has said they liked going back home.
Everyone complains of boredom back in Houston. Why is that? What exactly do we do in Austin that we don't do here? The only thing I can think of is that everyone saw each other a lot more because it was so convenient to visit. Well, at least most of you have cars. my sister has my car, and I have no insurance anyways.
I did nothing all of yesterday. And my sleeping schedule is completely out of whack. I must set some goals for myself.
I will do all my laundry and clean my whole room. I also plan to go to sleep earlier today, wake up at a reasonable time tomorrow, and decorate the house with Christmas lights because we are the only ones on the block that haven't and my mom wants me to.

I'm raising a Tamagachi. Remember those things? From 6 years ago? The original Japanese little electronic egg chicken things? I brought mine back to life!
I love my tamagachi.

Which Evangelion Child Are You?

Which toe are you? o_O~?

I am neurotic. Neurotic.

I had pineapple cream cheese (don't knock it till you tried it) and smoked salmon and mango and gingerbreak cookies and milk.
I burned candles and wrote calligraphy.
I watched videos.
I talked to people lots.
Thanks again.
I feel slightly better.

Yeah. Bad dreams about finals again. over and over and over.
My self worth has hit an all time low. I have never been so disappointed in myself. Never.
I should've worked harder.
I am moron.
I despise myself.

There is a huge chance I will have horrible grades this semester. And not just in a few classes.
One test was just ridiculously, maddenly hard, one I sure as hell hope was graded wrong because I could've sworn I got an A (i'm not the only one..), and one I just hated. Nothing is final, but the odds are not good. At least I know now I will never let myself get a B again. EVER.
I have never felt more like crap.
No wonder suicide rates go up during finals
If I don't kill myself, my mom will.
I feel like I'm in high school all over again. I am defined by what letter grade I get.
I know, I know, it's all bout how much you learned, but I've always been anal about the end result counting the most.
I know it was because she wanted me to strive higher, and do my best and all, but my mom was always a number person.
What grade, what sat score, what psat, what gpa, what rank. Even now she's hounding me for what grades I got, how I think I did, etc. It's bad enough I could never live up to her expectations, but now those expectations have become ingrained in me, and I am now unable to live up to myself. Ever.
People keep asking me how I felt my wonderful first semester of college was. As I think back, I honestly feel I have really accomplished nothing. Everything I worked so hard for and had such high expectations in I failed. We didn't even make finals in the competition, my stupid slide show screwed up in front of everyone, I'm getting the worst grades this semester I ever had in my life. They do say craP luck comes in threes....
But it wasn't luck. And what makes it worse is that I can only blame myself. I should've done test run on the laptop, I should've studied harder, I should've I should've I should've.
I can't believe it. Here I am this stupid brat that has been spending too much money in college, I don't work, I don't have anything to complain about, and I can't even get all As.
I don't know what to do. I can't let it go. How could I let this happen? WHY am I such a moron?
...
I can't imagine feeling better anytime soon. I will berate myself for this for the rest of the winter break.
Please do not talk to me out of pity. I will know it if you do. I am just ranting, k?
Besides, no one understands my stupid mixture of unnatainable ambitious, unexplainable lazyness, and umlimited disappointments.
I truly suck.

I go home tomorrRow. CALL ME SO WE CAN DO SOMETHING!
I'll be at home watching Shanna's chinese soap opera trying not to lose our bet..
There's these 4 ugly guys with long hair in it, and suppOsedly all the girls disliked them at first, but for somE reason by the end of the show were all ga-ga over them. So if I like them too by the end, I treat Shanna to dinner. Which I doubt. They really are very unnatractive...

Well, finals are over. blah. don't ask about. I'm just glad it's over.
I will never make a B again.
Ever. I will take at least 16 hours next semester and get all A's.
I hope I have a wonderful break.
Oh, I guess i hope you have one too.

I went to sleep at 5. Woke up at 8. Test at 9. Wrote 13 pages straight for my cumulative Roman Civlization exam. My hand hurts. I'm very tired and hungry. I'm eating, showering, and taking a nap. MIS final at 7pm!

I don't know how I ever thought I could have slept without *******.
I never should have taken my wonderful ******* for granted... I think I slept more soundly with ******* in my arms last night than I ever did in those lonely nights of tossing and turning alone.
I mean, when did I start to lose sight that ******* was and always will be a part of me?
It doesn't matter. It's all in the past. Now that ******* is back in my life, I will never be alone again.
Last night was great. We fell back into our old routine again, spooning, (the extra warmth was definitely a plus) and while I still did move around in my sleep, one of my hands or arms was always in contact with *******.
So safe, so secure.
I guess that's why they call it a security blanket.
I'm glad it was cold enough for me to take my blankie out of the drawer last night.

loud music for relieving stress.
Five for Fighting - Superman .. for calming down..

I'm playing the Smallville theme song very loudly with the bass up. It helps me feel better.
Remy Zero - Save me

somebody SAAAAaaAAVEE meee!
don't care you do it just SAaaaVEEee mEE!

...remember...... I have a severe case of psychoneurosis and histrionics....

My first college final grade.. is a @^@*&^#(@*&#^!(*%$! !!!
I actually had DreaMs last night about me failing. I could see the the grade on the website; read the numbers and everything. 60, 63, 74, 79 flashed before my eyes all night.
Our class average is a 55!!
People got an average of 66 questions out of 120!
Kill me.
Kill me now. ~_~
And on the website, he says he'll curve about 3-5 points?! I'm hoping he means something completeLy different than what I'm getting from it.
I am in a horrible horrible mood.
I should be optimistic, though. Maybe if he does curve that 5 points, I can get a B in the class!! Yay me!
CRAP!
argh... Thanks to people who have kept me sane.

suicide is not the answer.... grades are not important... grades are not important... grades are not important......

Christy: "You know, I was in the shower and I realized, you're right. I aM fat. I'm going to go on a diet now."
Me: "Are you serious?!? Are you stupid or something?? YOU'RE NOT FAT"
Christy: "no more cookies, no more candy. I'm going to eat an apple now"
Me: "BUT.. " *pause* hmm... she's not going to eat any more cookies? maybe this isn't a bad idea... NO! "NO! I was just kidding! You are not fat!"

Why is it people feel they have the right to broadcast my weight and describe my physique like I'm not there just because I'm thin?
You wouldn't even consider doing this to someone who was overweight.
"Oh my goodness! You are SO much fatter than most people I know! Maybe you should eat less."
I mean, no one would do that.
So how is that any worse than "OMG! Why are you so skinny?? Do you eat enough?"
"Actually, I do, I just throw it up afterwards so it doesn't go straight to my thighs."
I mean, give me a break.

This afternoon, I asked Christy if she ever had those "oh, I'm so fat" moments girls are always stereotyped to have. She said she actually stiLL thought she was fat, which is ridiculous, because she's not, otherwise I never would have asked. I just did it to prove a point, which obviously didn't happen. The conversation quickly took off into another tangent.
I couldn't convince her she wasn't fat, so I just started agreeing with her and calling her a whale. She joked she was going to commit suicide, and I told her the best way would probably be starvation. hahaha. I thought it was funny.. besides, seriously, if I had any idea she remotely would take offense, I never would have said it. We joke around all the time.. but she got mad, and is now talking on the phone with some guy about how much I weigh.
Thanks a lot.
argh. I must've really offended Christy if she had to retaliATE by discussing how much skinnier I am than her cousin or something and playing 'guess her weight' with whoever the hell she's talking to on the phone. So I guess I am apoloGizing, because that's pretty damn mean. Joking about our weights amongts ourselves and discussing how freakishly stick-like I am with some guy is noT the same thing.
Geezus, you're not a whale, ok? I think it's stupid that you'd even consider that. A pretty, smart, NOT whale-ish girl in engineering honors should NOT freak about about being stupid and 'failing' her classes and being fat. @#*&^@#!@!%%#&*

Which brings me to another topic.
Every girl has some physical aspect about themselves they dislike. I'm too tall, too short, too big, too small, blah blah blah.
Do you think I LIKE being skinny?? Have you EVER shopped for clothes with me?? Swimsuits and just plain suits are impossible to find. I have to spend avg. 60 bucks in alterations for every dress and suit I buy. So screw you all who say "blah blah, you have nothing to complain about" and according to Christy "all girls hate you because you're skinny" then squeeze my forearm or wrist in disgust like I'm some kinda freak.
Would you squeeze some obese girl's thigh and go "man, that's huge!" ??
NO, I don't think so.

The whole "does this dress make me look fat" thing is just the cliche way to sum up every female's many many insecurities about how she looks. I mean, that's normal. Some biological thing makes us preen and primp, but holy crap has society gotten obsessed with looks. And it does noT help when guys (*cough* - you know who I'm referring to) are like "Damn.. that girl's hot.. look at those _________ !(insert body part here)"
I'm not gonna stop you from talking about this with your male friends, because god knows I couldn't anyways, but geez, do you have to do it in front of us? (Rebecca - you can relate...)
We don't nearLy discuss the looks of some guy half as much as I hear guys talk about in front of me. And even thEN, guys caN work out, while makeup will only enhance you so much.
So there.
I don't care, whether it's because you think of Rebecca as a guy (heh.. ) or me as a lesbian (which i'm noT), or because anY female is so used to hearing girls judged, we should not have to hear it so much.
We females are self-conscious and neurotic enough as it is.
Maybe I'm just biased. IM me with an agreement or rebuttal.
And one more thing.
I eat, ok? Actually, ask anyone who knows me well enough. i LOVE to eat. I am just smALL boned. I get it from my dad.
So bugGer off~ the whole lot of you.

AHHHHHHHhh!!!!!!!!!!
THe Philosophy test was SO HARD!
Half multiple choice, half matching quotes.
On the website, all the practice tests.. the quotes were all 5 people, match 5 quotes. ON the FINAL, however, He grouped like 20 quotes and 10 people (the scantron had 10 bubbles), which MAKES IT SIGNIFICANTLY EASIER FOR YOU TO FRIGGIN' FAIL.
argh.
I feel like crap. I hope he curves a loT, because I was probably sure of about 50% of my answers.
wahhHHHH!!!!
I HATE PHILOSOPHY!

Here are some sample questions for your enjoyment:

Please match the FR*GGING quotes:

a. Augustine b. Avicenna c. Al-Ghazali d. Averroes e. Aristotle

1) . . . the existence of infinite temporal existents renders the existence of a single eternal first principle necessary, and there is no God but He. . . .
2) . . . whatever is, is good.
3) Cognition can again be analyzed into two kinds. One is the kind that may be known through Intellect; it is known necessarily by reasoning through itself. . . . The other kind of cognition is one that is known by intuition.
4) It does not behoove you to say that an infinite regress of causes is impossible.
5) Whatever has being must either have a reason for its being, or have no reason for it. If it has a reason, then it is contingent .... If on the other hand it has no reason for its being in any way whatsoever, then it is necessary in its being.
6) Similarly, therefore, (in the case of the causes and their aggregate) it will be said that each cause has a cause, but the aggregate of these causes has no cause. For all that can be truly said of the individuals cannot similarly be said of their aggregate.
7) For what is that which we call evil but the absence of good?
8) Therefore the series must end in a necessary cause, and in this case this necessary cause must be necessary through a cause or without a cause, and if through a cause, this cause must have a cause and so on infinitely, and if we have an infinite regress here, it follows that what was assumed to have a cause has no cause, and this is impossible. Therefore the series must end in a cause necessary without a cause, i.e. necessary by itself, and this necessarily is the necessary existent.

a. Plato b. Aristotle c. Hume d. Kant e. Dignaga

9) For sensation is surely not the sensation of itself, but there is something beyond the sensation, which must be prior to the sensation. . . .
10) Though atoms serve as causes of the consciousness of the sense-organs, they are not its actual objects like the sense organs; because the consciousness does not represent the image of the atoms.
11) Let us then make the experiment whether we may not be more successful in metaphysics, if we assume that the objects must conform to our knowledge.
12) . . . although they make use of the visible forms and reason about them, they are thinking not of these, but of the ideals which they resemble; not of the figures which they draw, but of the absolute square and the absolute diameter, and so on. . . .
13) 'Tis a common observation, that the mind has a great propensity to spread itself on external objects, and to conjoin with them any internal impressions, which they occasion, and which always make their appearance at the same time that these objects discover themselves to the senses.

Now iMagine and entire test.. 120 questions.. like the above.
DO NOT JUST WANT TO KILL YOURSELF?!?!

I do...
wah.....

I have a test in 15 minutes.
If I do badly, it counts 40% and I faiL..
If I do better than my miditerm, it counts 70% and I get an A!
!#@&%@$@!#! @##@$ @!#&*&!!!!!

I saw the albino squirrel!!!
There's some legend/myth/superstition about seeing some albino squirrel on UT campus and getting all A's for the semester, and I SAW it on the way back from my Eco test today!.
Ok, so it was a life-sized paper one someone stuck on a tree. Still, it counts, right?? righT??
Anyways, took my first college final exam today. Actually, it doesn't even really count as an exam. It was non cumulative, same format and length as the first 2 tests we had this semester, so I was lucky. He doesn't post grades until everyone's done taking it, so I won't know until Sunday or Monday. I'd like to say I think I did ok, but now since I said that I'll probably make an 89 for the semester or something. argh...
Philosophy test tomorrow. I reaLLy need to study for that. So that'll be all day today.
After I take a nap.

Even though I bought food yesterday, I felt bad so I ate the remaining left overs. I noticed half way it was kinda sour. So I dumped it out. Ate the other thing. That was kinda sour too. Ate one more thing. Sour.
My tummy now hurts.
I told Christy. She wasn't very comforting..

Christy: "STEPHANIE! I can't believe you're that stupid! You did it agaIN!? You know, I don't even feel sorry for you! When are you going to realize people don't eat bad food for a reason??"
Me: "I don't know!! I figured by now my stomach would be a lot stronger and could take those bacteria! Maybe if I keep doing this, my immune system will be build up!"

yeah...I feel like poo poo...
i'm so stoopid..
waH~

I really like Norah Jones. I haven't bought a CD in awhile. I might actually go get hers.
I need to study Eco now.

Where Did Your Soul Originate?







What Mythological Creature Are you?

Went to HEB and bought tons of food. So now I can stop rationing and eat as much as I want again. ^_^

sHANNA! I can't believe you wrote about me being a 'girly girl' in your blog!
ArgH~! She says I bought 2 pairs of shoes. I havE like 4 pairs total, k? I am not like most girls with 20 bazillion pairs. And one of the pairs I bought was tennis shoes, which I did not have. And dress shoes, because before this semester, I've had one pair I've worn to every formal occasion in the past 4 years.
Besides, shanna dragged me into jUSt as many shoes stores as I did to her. so ThERE.

I successfully read 1/5 of my philosophy. argh.
I realized the more I sleep, the drowsier I am throughout the day.
From now on, no more than 8 hours a night. Preferably 7. Then maybe an hour nap in the afernoons.
I lit my candle and burned myself every now and then to stay awake.
Went to absa recruiting meeting for next semester. We talked about how to get more members next year..
JOIN ABSA!
Cindy's b-day at La Madeleine was cool. Met her very interesting and comical friends : )
Spinach quiche (keesh) and tomato basil soup.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CINDY.
Studied for MIS. Am much less freaking out about it now. I just need to study some more.
Eco all day tomorrow, and some philosophy, and I should be ok. Then Roman Civ all of Thursday afternoon all day Friday.
I have to get all A's!
HAVE to.

Christy and I woke up at 1:37 pm today. We were both very exasperated with ourselves.
I must've hit my snooze 6 times.. I told her later that I figured I'd get up when she did, and she said "Stephanie's not up yet? I'm sure as hell not getting up!"
So yeah. This is really bad. We've decided to definately be in bed by 3 (yesterday it was 4) tonight and wake up at 11. Maybe we can slowly go back to normal again...
Study time.

Went to San Marcos. With Shanna and Marcus. HAhahahaha. ok. I thought it was funny...
Bought 20$ banana republic comfy black dress shoes!
Went to Pepperidge Farm outlet! cheap, yummy cookies and no tax. bought 4 big packages.. 8 dollars - not bad.
Finally got some tennis shoes and socks; I've been doing kickboxing in bare feet.. (painful)
David actually got a banana republic sweater. He didn't even know what store we were in until he got the bag, and was then all shocked he actually bought something from there. He usually lives in his white t-shirts and jeans and has never understood my love for the finer things in life. I told him to wear it to Yoakum (this little hick [no offense] town where his family's from - some farming community or something..) but he said they'd think he'd turned preppy and gay.
It was rainy the whole time.
Marcus and david actually sang to country music; shanna and I couldn't stop laughing. David says marcus is the first asian guy he's ever seen that likes country. It was pretty funny.
They got us to play the slug bug game, so we spent most of the day on the lookout for VW bugs and hitting each other.
Ate chinese food (yum) at Shanna's house. Watched Back to the Future 2, which was confusing since shanna and I'd never seen the first one. Now I wanna watch the 3rd one.
Anyways, it was fun. Thanks shanna and marcus! I had a great day~
Philosophy and MIS tomorrow..

I kinda studied for philosophy today. Read some and took notes.
So many things to cram in to the week before finals. My first final is Wednesday. Microeconomics. Thursday. Philosophy. Saturday. Roman civilization at 9 am and MIS till 10pm. It'll be a long day.
I ate a Mandarin Chicken Salad from Wendy's today. Usually I try to refrain from junk food chains, but that salad was rated the most healthy meal out of all those fast food places, and it was reaLLY good.
The lettuce was actually fresh, and there was chicken, mandarin oranges, almonds and crispy noodle bits in it, with oriental sesame sauce. SO good.
I want another one tomorrow!

We went to HEB. rebecca, ansar, chris, tc, omar (we made him dress up to go with us).
On the way in, we saw this white suv limo parked right in front. It was awesome.
Rebecca still had her disposable camera, so we got some reluctant girl who thought we were crazy to take a picture of us in front of it. As we were going in, the driver came out and said she would open the back to let us see in, which was nice. But it didn't open, so we all just peered in. Then one of the people inside the limo came out to ask us if we wanted pictures inside the limo. We were all awe-struck and and excitedly clamored in.
The limo had 10 people in is already; early - mid 30's business men and women dressed up and kinda buzzed (They offered us some glasses of wine...). But they were so incredibly nice and friendly, and this one guy took pictures of us with his digi cam from one end, and the woman took pictures with rebecca's camera from the other. I couldn't believe how nice they were. We told them we just came from absa and after thanking them we headed back for HEB. No one could get over how cool that was. hehehe. We were excited for the rest of the shopping expedition.
We bought 3 bottles of sparkling cider and some plastic margarita cups (no champagne flutes were to be found..). We felt kinda nerdy at first, but I figured we're being safe and drinking non alcoholic stuff and just having fun, so it was cool.
We also stopped by this perfume counter and we all smelled these perfumes in bottles that looked like test tubes. We sprayed stuff everywhere and surprisingly had a lot of fun in a grocery store. Since everyone was still dressed up from the banquet, we got a lot of weird looks. I love the spontaneity of college.
We got back to omar and ansar and john's room, where we all toasted each other (to end of the semester, to friendship, yadda yadda. it was really nice) and took lots of great pictures on john's digi cam. We did all these different poses.. but we're not allowed to show anyone outside the people in them...
Then we basically talked until now. I had a great time. Thanks guys ^_^
Anyways, while I did have lots of fun, I also diD get to study MIS today, so my friday wasn't totally unproductive.
study all day tomorrow...

oh. and john was complaining how he wasn't in the absa informer newsletter thing, and I forgot to mention him in my article about the thanksgiving potluck that he made eggrolls ( I apparently described everyone else's dishes but his), and I didn't mention him in the list of names is my last blog because he wasn't at the banquet, so I promised him I could include his name this time. So here it is. John john john john john john john.
There. Don't you feel special.
g'night.

ABSA is over for this semester..
EOS (end of semester) banquet was really nice.. we really have great officers .. activities, everything. I don't think I've ever enjoyed being in a club so much.
So my slide show f*cked up. The first laptop wouldn't even play the music, which freaked me out. The second lap top ran the presentation slower than the music, and when I saw the typed words come up so damn slow, I about killed myself. I know everyone thought it was no big deal, etc, but stil...
I feel so stupid spending all that extra time using a damn watch to time the slides with the music. stupid stupid stupid. I am a moron. OCD and perfectionism do noT pay off.
I don't know why that bugged me so much, that the timing was so off. It was really nice of everyone who still told me the slide show was good and all, but that wasn't it.
I know no one would've noticed a difference.. I was more disappointed at myself than at the fact people thought I messed up. I guess no one really got that. Thanks anyways, guys ~ rebecca, ansar, chris, tc, roger, john, christina, susan, shanna, joe, daniel. people who tried to cheer me up, even out of pity. hehe.
My dove chocolate promise said "love is like a flower, friendship is like a sheltering tree" or something like that..
thanks for being my tree, guys!

Well, rebecca, ansar, chris and I are going to stay dressed up and do something classy and grown up now. hahaha . We don't know what, but It'll be fun! More on banquet tomorrow. I need to de-stress~

Christy, David and I are in the piano lounge of Dobie. She's playing away on the piano, some romantic classical piece, and I just soak it in, smile dreamily and tell her she's going to play at my wedding...

"NO! I'm going to be a bridesmaid!"

I am jolted out of my pleasant reverie.
Christy has an amazing ability to do that.

"Who says you're gonna be a my bridesmaid!?! You're not good enough! You're lucky you're playing at my wedding!"

Hahaha. David just looks at us like we're insane.
Which we probably are..

Later tonight I'm asking Christy hypothetical questions, like if I was a lesbian, which girl that we knew she could imagine me with, even if we only knew her remotely. I listed intelligence as a high priority.
Christy: "Does she have to be pretty?"
Me: "Yeah, sure. I don't want an uGly girl...A smart, nice, pretty girl. Not too much to ask, right?"
She names ****** *****.
Me: "Did you hear anything I just said?"
We both laugh hysterically (if only you knew who we were talking about.. this notoriously snobby haughty girl from high school) and I say,
"Hey, Christy.. Do you realize we both laugh together the longest and loudest when we're being mean??"
"Yeah. HAhahahhaha!"
I laugh too. It's mean, but it's true.. hahaha. We're not bad people.. we just have our moments.

Ok. to philosophy homework now.

~
Strolling during winter time,
On sidewalks paved with sleet,

The chime of bells, the smell of pine,
Waft softly down the street.

Darkness falls, red, white, green bulbs,
The world lights up anew.

Bend over and bestow a kiss,
Upon parched lips of blue.
~


~I love winter~

Christmas is coming!

whoo hoO... the slide show is donE!
After 3 nights, (I'm a perfectionist with OCD.. so it takes a while..)
I can finally commence studying!
Now I have to catch up on homework...

I had some horrible, horrible dreams last night... I woke up at 7 and every hour after that until 10. Each time I went back to sleep, my dreams got worse. That anxiety is subsiding now, and I'm actually in a pretty good mood. Christmas is coming soon! I like this wintery feeling. I've been singing all morning.

oh the weather outside is frightful...
but the fire is so delightful~
and as long as you love me so...
let it snow! let it snow! let it snow!

actually, it's more of a depressing drizzle.. but still. It's almost winter break!
Everyone's so stressed lately.. chill ouT ^_^ it's almost over.

I take a break from my computer to go to the 'kitchen' and peel and slice a tasteless pear. (it is inadequate because it is not an Asian pear. I'm not racist. Those are just really good pears. If you've ever had one, you would know)
Christy is on the living room couch studying physics. She reads aloud to me, "A yo-yo is like a physics lab that fits in your pocket ..blah blah.. rotational torque.. "
I sit down to eat my tasteless pear, and she tries to convince me to take Honors Physics next year. She thoughtfully jots down the course number and teacher so I can sign up for it.

Me: "I'm noT taking Physics, Christy! You just want me to take it so you can laugh at me next semester! ... like I laugh at you now. hahahahha"
Christy: "You know who I really hate? Newton"
She begins composing a list of people she'd kill "if she could go back in time"
Christy: "hmm..who else should I add to the list? Ah. THoreau."
Me: "I like THoreau! I loved Walden Pond - I actually went through and highlighted passages that I liked! I loveD English class!" (our Junior year English teacher is notorious.. she's a wonderful teacher, but hard as hell)

Christy looks up at me. Then adds my name to the list.
I've been put on a hit list....
I hold up my knife.
Christy looks up.

Christy: "AH! don't do that! I thought you were going to kill me!"
Me: "I was."
Christy jots on the paper "Stephanie killed me. call the police"
Me: "What makes you think I won't just take that paper away after I kill you??"
Christy: "I'll hold it really tight!"
Me: "Yeah.. maybe the rigor mortis will make me unable to pull it away."
Christy: "AND I'll write it all over my skin, too!"
Me: "I'll just scrape it off with the knife."
Christy: "EwwwwW! I can't believe you just said that!"

This is coming from a girl who told David that she likes to cut herself when she's in a bad mood...

Anyways. Back to my pear and my philosophy.

I've actually missed going to class.
I walked out of roman civ today all excited talking to martin (the only guy in the class that brings a laptop to take notes and then plays solitaire the whole hour and a half... but he's sent me those notes for all the days I've missed so I can't complain) and telling him how glad I was there to take notes today and how much I like history and how I missed the class and wanted to take maybe greek or european history even though I have all my fine arts credits done with this semester.
He looked at me like I was crazy. And maybe I am, but if I can find a good professor, I really want to take some more of these ancient history classes. I have nothing else to take anyways. And who would've thought I could change my mind so much from when I registered until now.
I don't wanna take nutrition anymore (I really don't wanna wake up at 8:30 either.. I've been spoiled this semester) or classical mythology. Maybe I'll get a minor in Classical Civilization! Yeah.. maybe I am crazy. I need a minor. I miss English class, too.
I need to redo my whole schedule. ACtually, what I need to do is shut up and start studying.

I just spent the past seVEn hours on the slide show - and I'm basically donE! Just need to add some more pictures and I'll be finished!
Hooray ~ 146 slides and counting....
Now why can't I make myself spend 7 hours studying??

I was up late last night with the slide show thing, but I did take a nap from 4:30 to 6:30 pm today, so I'm not really tired. Now if I can stay awake through Roman Civ tomorrow for an hour and a half, I can take another nap right after and then study all afternoon tomorrow. Kick boxing should help me stay awake the rest of the night.

I actually read a lot of Eco yesterday and Roman Civ today.
Christy says my comments about our suitemates are mean. I'm sorry. I was really frustrated at the moment..
Time to sleep.

arGH~ Why is her voice so high-pitched and loud? Why are her comments so incredibly insipid and annoying?
She should shuddup and save the oxygen lost by opening that large gaping hole of a mouth.... she needs that oxygen more in that defective brain of hers.

I. do. not. know. why... but my friGGin' suitemates are squealing at the top of their lungs. ARGHHH!!

*squeal* "ewww!! stop it! I do noT need that visual image!!" * SQUEALLL*

AHHHH!! I DO NOT NEED YOUR DITZY giggles and pig-like noises the week before finals!

find your element

I went to MIS class for the first time in a lonG time today. Man was it weird to be back in class. But once again, I learned in that one hour what I could've easily read on my own in 10-15 minutes. Oh well. Last week of class.
Things are starting to pile and I'm starting to panic now. So much catching up to do. But I actually read many chapters of eco last night. AND I'm going to class today! I have missed eco class.. I'm serious. and I will miss it once it's over. My professor is really good. I also did my Philosophy essay.
ABSA Informer article due today. Slide show due Thursday. That's going to take forever. Meeting Thursday. EOS (end of semester) banquet Friday.
But that's ok because I loove ABSA.
I do.
really.

I like Christine's summary of our Thanksgiving ~
so I'm stealing it..with [comments]

"thursday: up at the crack of dawn. 8am! chris [&] michael liu, jess, joe and jean[gene], steph [Why am I LaST?] and i headed out for george r brown center. worked from 9 - 2. as usual, too many volunteers. had no work to do. talked to some interesting people as they ate. joe and jean drove around downtown telling homeless people about the free meal. steph noticed something interesting. next time any of you decide to go help out, take notice of the demographics. would've taken longer to get home (got a bit 'side tracked') if it hadn't been for that blond bitch [gasP! christine.. the language.. my goodness] in the little red car that tried to run us off the road then pass us up. well she got burned say..5...6 times... meh. jessica was all whimpering. "that was scary! i think we were going almost 80!" [hahahaa.. jessica, you crack me up] joe? drive 80? no no...he woulnd't do that... [it was more like 110] uhem..
helped around a bit at home to prepare for dinner. steph and i whined the whole time about not having any pie.
"pumpkin pie!"
"no! pecan pie!"
"no! we need both!"
"both! both! where's our pie?!"
[my mom yells at us to shut up... we pout and sulk and whine and leave...]
lo and behold, laura (my dad's sister's daughter) comes over with a freshly baked warm pumpkin pecan pie. [it sounds weird.. but it was soo good]
our dinner? pot luck style chinese dishes, wrapped like burritos in tortilla wraps, chinese dessert (ma ji), southern spicy gumbo, japanese plum wine, easoned [seasoned] potatoes and honey baked turkey, and a few other misc. things here and there. got told to shut up and play something else when i got bored and started with the "depressing elevator music" [on piano] (somewhere in time -_-;;) cleaned up afterwards, steph and i grabbed a tall shot glass of kaluha [kuhlua] each, and went upstairs to sing depressing chinese kareoke [karaoke - geez christine, learn to spell] songs at the top of our lungs"
She forgets to mention the glassfulls on plum wine and 2 additional glasses of kuhlua and milk (white russian?). no wonder I wanted to sing karaoke so badly...

We also went to Elaine's house Friday to eat .. where she cooked toNs of great food..little mini cheecakes with blackberries and dusted with powdered sugar, lobster, crab, honey ham, these great little potato things...again from christine's blog:
"elaine is my new idol. haha.
"elain [elaine], will you marry me?"
"sorry steph. i dont swing that way"
yeah. she broke my heart. buT she's a great cook. she's teaching christine and I to cook stuff Christmas break! yay ~ I can't wait.
I'm up for cooking lessons if anyone wants to give me any! My mom is teaching me too. I figure I need to learn some domestic skills.. my mommy says otherwise no one will want me. Thanks moMmy...

I told myself that when I got back to Austin, I would study all day and NOT get online. Yeah. Guess what I'm doing now.
I have just dusted my whole room and turned on my computer, and feel at home once again.
I just need to put away the 2 cartons of food my mom sent up with me and the laundry my dad folded for me before I woke up today. I'm a spoiled brat... but Don't look at me! I didn't ask for it. Ok, maybe for some of the food...but not that much!
Still, Xie4 Xie4 ma3 ma2 and daddy ~
I am really lucky I have parents like that ^_^ Now I am forced to get all As. My dad told me he read my blog about me being late to class and told me to wake up earlier (instead of 5 minutes before it starts) because it makes him nervous and he doesn't want to professor to start recognizing me for being late (I only did it a few times) and give me a bad grade. heh. Maybe they did that in Taiwan or something... but ok, daddy. I'll wake up earlier.

I think it's funny how everyone's blogging now. Shanna actually called me on the way back to Houston on Wednesday to tell me she had started a blog. hahaha. It was so funny. I really do think this is a great way to keep track of what's going on in your life, though. I used to start journals on and off, with the intent to record things for future reference, and realized this is the best way. Jennifer, chris, shanna, brandy, david all started one in the past few months. It's addicting, isn't it?

Ok. I really need to study now.

After getting so used to the never ending stream of random sounds in a dorm, the silence of my house is almost maddening in comparison.
It always takes a few hours of just sitting, reading in my bed the first night I get back to Houston to adjust to the quiet.
Everyone's usually in bed by 11pm, and I feel so isolated that I just want scream.
Besides the dull whirring of the computer and the loud clacking of this keyboard, there is absolutely nothing else. It's strange.

Glad we went to Eric's house. It was nice to see you cyc people again, although I see half of you in Austin. But for the high school ones and Eric from Cali, it was worth it.
I go back to Austin in 9 hours. Once again, I have done no work. I need to study all day tomorrow.