It's so weird now. Everyone blogs.
I don't even need to write about our Dallas field trip: Chris, Shanna, Joe, all did.

I don't know what's wrong with me.
I just feel very blah lately. I'm very disenchanted with the world.
Maybe it's realizations (good and bad) I made during the field trip about people, business, growing up, friends, politics, and life in general.
College and talking to older people in general just makes me feel like there's so much stuff out there that I'm learning I don't like; so many unfair things, and I just plain don't want to grow up.
Maybe I'm just moody.
Everything is so political in business. I can't stress enough how important it is to know who your friends are. I feel like I am losing people just by not seeing them enough, but every now and then just when I'm feeling the most self conscious about things, I am reminded.

Thanks to those who in the last few days who showed support and encouragement, even brief IMs to check on me to make sure I wasn't losing my mind.
I read the Informer (absa newsletter) front to back and realized how nice it was to just be mentioned; I think human beings just like recognition, and I think of so many times people did little things to make me feel better and I just assume they know but I don't say anything... I'm not good with expressing stuff.
Sometimes I wish people didn't read this, and I could direct it to one person at a time. I like to let people know personally, but today I feel like just putting it here.

I am grateful for:
My family. so much. And I know some people seem to think so, but I would never give up family for career. Sure, I'm 'hardcore' about ABSA, but more than anything I enjoy it because of the people in it. I am thankful my relatives has given me such a strong feel for family.

Thanks to my mommy and daddy for driving up to Austin yesterday and having dinner with me and bringing me food; Christine for coming up and getting me Pocky (even though she came up to visit TC - hahaha. j/k. well, not really. but still. ^_^ ) and whoever it was (even though I asked them not touch anything) for cleaning my dorm room. heh. Or making my bed at least. I think it was my dad.
My Da4 Ah1 Yi1 for coming up to Austin also and bringing me Lao3 Pou2 Bing3, Xiao3 Ah1 Yi1 for coming up and reading my blog and noticing I wanted a 'Chicago Soundtrack' and getting one for my birthday, and my Jioh4 Jioh4 for saying he was going to bring me that really really good Pho from Houston, but deciding not to because it wouldn't be fresh.
And my shr4 biao3 jio4 and biao4 ma1 for visiting and ching3 kuh4 -ing at Mikado even though they weren't supposed to.

I really enjoyed dinner and more and more as I barrel though college I realize how much I miss our family gatherings (that I was lucky enough to have lots of back home).
But whew. thank goodness no more chinese spelling in this blog.

I am grateful that people don't stay permanantly mad at me when I'm anal and non-spontaneous and my schedule's too crazy to just 'drop by' like I did last semester (then again.. I didn't do so hot on tests last semester either). I feel I have to pick and choose what I can do nowadays, and it usually ends up me being in my room or somewhere else attempting to study.
I know people are still drifting away from each other, but hopefully we're also all latching on somewhere else. It's sad, but I'm realizing we're all finding like Cindy said once "our own niches" and that makes me happy for them.
I use to freak out about that stuff; now I just learn to be grateful for the people who are there for me now, but even more for the people who seem to have always been there.
Now that I think about it I am so grateful and I feel so undeserving; people I met just this year are so supportive (but that could always change - heh .. I gotta fit my cynicism somewhere..) and it's always a pleasant shock when the steady, battle scarred veterans willingly return to my aid in times of my insanity.

Thanks again, guys. You know who you are.