It’s addicting, being alone.
When it comes down to it, it’s not about what you want to do or what you like to do; it’s about what you get used to doing.

Last semester I was high on social activities.
I spent most of my evenings, all of my nights, and sometimes my daybreaks with other people. Other people. Any people. All the time.
Dorm hopping. Partying. Visiting. Talking. Movies Games Shopping Eating Drinking -for quenching both kinds of thirst (haha not really....). I stayed up late and woke up early for class, did minimal studying and went out every chance there was. And when there wasn’t; I made some.
There was no need to do work, no drive to study, no fear to motivate me.
Until finals rammed its proverbial foot up my proverbial ass.

My first test of this semester I actually studied. I got a higher A on that test than I have since I’ve been in college.
Of course, then I got too comfortable and started slacking again. It was inevitable. SOoo.. second rounds of tests weren’t so hot.

After Spring Break there seemed to be a flurry of activities, projects, tests, yadda yadda. There was always something to do and reading to catch up on.

All interpersonal relationships ceased to exist. I lost contact with the outer world; feeding a dangerous obsession by spending even more inordinate amounts of time with the entity that will one day be the cause of my downfall; my computer.

Last semester I had experimented, occasional online shopping, AIM, Power Point, some Photoshop. This semester I began to become a much more heavy user.
With the onset of Swing Out Awards, Photoshop was indispensable, e-mails, AIM, and surfing my only source of relief from the tedious work, a growing need to check constantly for sales online, and it became official:
I was an addict.

Of course, I tried to deny it at first. “I was ok, this was only temporary, I know what I’m doing, after this week I would cut back.”
I lied to myself.

I can’t cut back. Not after I’ve relished the joy of acquiring anything I could possibly need through a series of typed commands.
So it got worse. Ebay. Ordering food. Online clothes shopping. Learning Flash. Reading novels online. Everything was attainable with the push of a few buttons.

When did I realize I had a problem?
Today. When my tests were over and I finally had a chance to go out, I didn’t.
I went back to my old habits of watching a movie. Surfing the net.
Yeah, so back to my main point. Thriving in solitude, at some point, becomes addictive.
It’s like my appetite for food has a direct relationship with my appetite for doing stuff.
I wanT to eat, I’m hungry, but I don’t have the appetite.
I want to do stuff, I’m bored, but I don’t have the drive.

I don’t get it.

(I’m extremely brain dead - having studied too damn long, sleeping 2 hours last night, taking 2 tests, and eating cookies and watching movies all night. So I’m just being melodramatic and all of the above is just an exaggerated story-like blog entry written for my own amusement and because I can’t friggin fall asleep. Ignore it. I'm not really 'alone'. I do lots of ABSA stuff! hahaha. ok....I'm a freak...)


I want to go dress shopping tomorrow. I need one for EOS.
Who wants to skip class and take me?