It's amazing how stupid you realize yourself to have been when you look back.

I said stupid things.
Acted without thinking.
Was so unproductive.
Reading old conversations, I just wanted to kick myself, I sounded so dumb.
I really was a lot more of an idiot a year ago.
I'm not saying in a year I won't look back and think the same thing,
but I guess it's good I'm realizing the dumb dumb things I said and did.

I get a lot less angry - I don't know how that happened.
Everything's just more tolerable.
Sometimes I try to get that angry spark going like I used to, and I just can't.

I was talking to Shanna the other day and realizing that I've been just kinda 'blah' all semester. Then when I really though about it, I wasn't more 'blah', I'm just less "ahHH"
Does that make sense?
I just don't feel as giddy or jumpy or frustrated or angry.
Everything's more normalized.

There are less and less opportunities for me just say what I'm thinking and act what I'm feeling,
and more and more events where I just have to suck it up and just 'be a big girl' and just 'act professional.'

I'm starting to feel less and less like a kid, and sometimes I overcompensate by acting extremely childish. But only with certain people. It's like my inner child knows sometimes going on and that I'm starting to have to shut it up more and more and it's getting scared and wants attention.
I guess that's maturity.

I'm not sure if I like it.