I was talking about trying to gain weight, and got on the subject of how, when Vivian and I got back from Vegas, one of the first things we did was weigh ourselves. I was blabbling about how we were both excited about having gained weight, when I stop mid sentence because I notice Gene has a funny look on his face.

Me: What, Gene?
Gene: How much do you weigh?
Me: *** pounds. Why?
Gene: How much does Vivian weigh?
Me: *** pounds. Why?
Gene: [tries not to laugh]
Me: WHY, Gene?
Gene: Nothing.
Me: I can see you trying to not laugh! What are you thinking about?
Gene: [starts to laugh but does not answer]
Me: GENE! Tell me right NOW!
Gene: I don't know, I always thought you'd weigh more than Vivian.
Me: [confused] Why? She's at least 2 inches taller than me.
Gene: Yeah, but you look thicker.
Me: WHAT?
Gene: IN a good way!!
Me: In what is that good?
Gene: [laughs uncontrollably]
Me: THICKer?? #$*#)(%*#%! You don't say that to a girl!
Gene: [still laughing]
Me:: [glares] Idiot.

You need to learn some more innocuous synonyms for 'thick' when describing a girl to her face, GENE.