While talking to Vivian yesterday, she pointed out how when I was with 'older people' (at 2 years my senior she thinks she's ancient) I always seemed to talk about jobs and careers and general 'future' stuff.

I realize throughout my whole life I tended to like to hang out with people older than me. My mom said when I was a kid, instead of sitting at the kids table at family dinners, I'd sit where the adults were (in the corner or under the table) and listen. I'd sit for hours just taking everything in. That's what she attributes to a lot of my non kid-like qualities and thought processes while still very young.

When I started school, I hung out with 'older people.' I tagged along as the little kid sister - in cyc, in junior high cys, in high school. When I got to college and saw the ABSA officers, I admired and wanted so badly to be like them; have the leadership positions, the work experience, the confidence, the knowledge. I took in everything I could from them in hopes that one day, I could have all that also.

And yet, I never feel like I've really gotten there. Because once you attain anything, there is always another step up. And so I keep straining to catch up. It's like as soon as you get used to the pace your running at and think you will finally get to that finish line, you hit hurdles. It never stops.

I think it's gotten to the point where I'm constantly looking ahead and straining to catch up and not really enjoying the present anymore.

I wonder what I can do to slow down without feeling like I'm stopping.