High: Free lunches all last week

Low: Getting up at 6:30am

High: Free cereal, gushers, snacks, cake.

Low: How the heck am I supposed to cut refined sugar with so much temptation?

High: Having the apt all to myself this weekend.

Low: Getting locked out of my house Sunday afternoon in 101F temp in just a t-shirt and nose strip with no phone and having to have my elderly neighbor pick the lock.

High: He actually picked the heavy duty lock.

Low: I have a neighbor who can pick locks.

High: Learning how to use the dishwasher! No more Chinese dishwasher=dish drying rack.

Low: Covering my kitchen floor in bubbles.. Did I put in too much detergent? The wrong kind?? I still don't know.

Low: My stinking cell phone having no service. Calls dropping every 3 minutes.

High: New phone! Yay for Razor in 5 days.

High: Learning to be independent(?)

Low: Learning I'm too accident / bad luck prone to really survive by myself. So far I'm not feeling any more grown-up.. just really sheepish.

Being alone is not the same thing as being lonely.

At one point towards the end of the past school year I would've given anything for 48 hours of real alone time: A place all to myself, to do whatever I want whenever I want wearing whatever I want without any other human beings or thoughts of the outside world infiltrating my sanctuary.

But today as I left work and my roommate left for the airport, the realization finally hit that the next 48+ hours would be spent completely alone with absolutely nothing to do and no one to do it with.

Now at some point everyone is alone. But depending on how long you're alone, how easily attainable noT being alone is, and most importantly, whether or not you choose to be alone, makes all the difference in the world.

The thing we take for granted when we run into our room away from our parents, or cordially decline a night out with friends is, at any given time, you can go back out among the living and end that alone time.

Which is why, after a week of company training, polite smiles and friendly conversation, eating everything on my plate at business lunches and acting, looking, and being professional and nice, I find it bewildering to have a completely empty weekend without the comforting security blankets of friends and family to retreat to. I'd even settle for familiar surroundings and possessions.

After a few hours of channel surfing and raiding the fridge and pantry (the first thing I stocked up to compensate for my lack of companionship) to feed my cravings of sweet and salty food, I realized I had another 6 hours before bedtime.

I forced myself out and went to Barnes & Noble. I couldn't keep eating away the afternoon, and after loved ones and food, books are my next salvation from insanity.

I spent two and a half hours among five rows of fiction picking up every other book, reading the description and putting it back. I realize I've grown more and more selective and narrow-minded when it comes to books. My penchant for historical fiction has grown into an addiction, albeit a discriminating one. The past dozen books I've purchased have all taken place in another time and country - how Freudian-ly representative of my wish to be somewhere, anywhere, else than where I am right now.

As I walk out of the chilly two story building into warm desert air, I notice the shopping square is teeming with families and couples and groups strolling in and out of the shops. It's a very nice place; sushi and seafood restaurants rolled in with designer clothing and furniture stores. The architecture is clean and modern with a pleasant Western flair, and the palm trees sway in a wonderfully warm non-humid breeze.

All around me I hear snippets of conversation, ripples of laughter and the pleasant crinkling of shopping bags. It's amazing how much more aware you are of the experiences of others when you have no one to share an experience with yourself.

Now this is no self-pitying passage, just a simple observation. Although I have to admit that even though being alone is not always the same thing as being lonely,

all too often, it is.

In Scottsdale.

The scenery is nice and the condo is great, but all the initial excitement and wonder of this place has now faded into fatigue (stupid me slept 3.5 hours last night) and loneliness. My roommate is nice too, but I feel very much on my own. And it's just now hitting me that it will be like this all summer.

I know this is a great experience and I'm sure I'll love in very soon and meet new people, but feelings are not reasonable or logical. I feel sad. I miss my family.

I actually unpacked everything and hung stuff up. Now just need 30 min or so of organizing, which I'm too tired to do. We went grocery shopping and I bought a crap load of food. I think I'm going to gain weight this summer.

I'm making myself not sleep until at least 10. 5 hours to go. I can't read, or I'll fall asleep. No tv, (the cable in the room is pretty cool) or I'll fall asleep. My roommate and her friends nicely invited me to dinner, but I really am too tired - I'd rather let them have fun by themselves than go and be listless and boring.

A one hour nap won't kill me..right? no no no. I will shower and eat. The bed is so soft though...

semi jet lag

Went to sleep at 10pm. Woke up at 3am. Read and ate till 5:30am. Forced myself to go back to sleep and slept until 9:00am.

It's weird to sleep in shifts, but REM cycles are naturally 90 minutes each, and you need at least to get to the third cycle to be satisfied, so 4-5 hour shifts actually work really well. We'll see how I feel this afternoon.

Side note: I am just now getting the grasp of how early real life actually starts. How the heck to people wake up for work every morning? All last year my classes started no earlier than 12:00, so I've gotten uber spoiled. Sob. In a way, thank goodness for jet lag making me wake up semi early. I'll be up at 7am every day now starting Monday...

My mice passed away


I'm really going to miss them


bye Ein


bye little Runtie..

Back from China/Taiwan.

GOOD:

[China]
1) $1.25 USD for salon hair washing + hour long head/arms/back massage (everyone got one every night we were in Shang Hai)
2) Really cheap & good food (bao tze = 10 cents)
3) FINALLY clothes that fit me! Got work clothes. How fun.
4) Actually great weather in Shang Hai - 75 degrees average
5) Nice & reasonably priced accessories (purses, wallets, shawls)

[Taiwan]
1) GREAT food
2) Hotel location in the middle of busy city strip surrounded by food, clothes, shopping districts within walking distance
3) SO many easily accessible & affordable taxis
4) Great fruit (watermelon, mango, guava, bellfruit, starfruit, apples, pineapples - all ridiculously sweet) and desserts (best shaved ice ever)
5) Really nice hotel rooms
6) Seeing Shanna!! Twice.

BAD:

[China]
1) Friggin crazy ass drivers - no pedestrian right of way despite traffic lights
2) Smoggy.
3) Not as clean in many restaurants
4) People more pushy/rude. (varies by area of course)
5) No good looking guys

[Taiwan]
1) Friggin crazy ass drivers - cars come SO close to hitting each other; they swerve in and out of lanes
2) HOT. and humid. and sticky. People rarely are seen outside between hours of 1-6; after sunset the streets teem with people. Shops close at 10pm, which is great.
3) A lot of walking, but the girls have great calves there
4) No good looking guys

Overall, a great trip. 谢谢 妈妈 and 爸爸.

I'm glad to be in Houston a few days before I have to move up to Scottsdale for work. It's going to be weird up there all alone in an unfamiliar place with no friends or family. I'm a bit apprehensive, but it'll be an interesting experience.

After talking to Shanna, the reality of having to make all these different life changing decisions seems to loom closer than ever. I remember being roommates her senior year, Shanna going through this necessary stress as well.

I have a feeling despite the fact I won't be as entrenched in ABSA as I have been the past 3 years, I'm going to be very drained this upcoming school year. I only hope I will have what it takes to make all the right decisions. I guess finishing this internship will only lead me one step closer.

Anxious in a excited & worried way about how it will all turn out.