boooooo on school.

exactly 36 hours til freedom.

freeeeeeeedom!

I feel drained.

Not physically or mentally, which can always be cured with lots of rest or the end of hell week(s), but emotionally.

I feel emotionally drained and tired.

You can ask people to help you carry physical heavy things, but who can you ask to help you shoulder the emotional burden? How does one even go about doing so?

It is really hard to smile and act like everything is ok all the time, although lately I feel like I've been dropping the ball on that one. Pick it back up. Must pick it back up.

Freshmen year I was too spastic, so I spent the past few years beating down my feelings. Nowadays I don't even feel like I have an outlet to let things out when I want to.

The people close to me know I'm overly opinionated, but I'm like that because the only way to keep from exploding and yet keep all my feelings bottled up inside is to release a stream of intense thoughts.

I thought about something while walking to class today. No matter what, it's still healthier to let the shit out than keep it bottled up.

People who hold all their shit inside will one day bust at the seams and get even more shit on everyone else than they ever intended. Better to routinely let shit out in healthy doses.

I want to scream, but what good is it if no one hears you?

I do/don't want to grow up...

I woke up this morning desperately wishing I was a kid again. Maybe it had something to do with the dreams (which I now don't remember) I had during the night, but I almost feel like when I got out of bed I was waking up iNto a dream that I wasn't happy with. But I'm not sure what I'm not happy with, so I can't do anything about it.

Childhood was so simple, and as you get older, everything gets more complicated. Yes, that's a given, but what are you getting in return for growing up that makes it all worth it? Is it knowledge, is it experiences, independence, understanding, maturity...

What is so damn great about growing up? If anything, I think understanding the world more just makes you a little less giddy and carefree and innocent, a little less like a happy kid every day. Is that a good thing?

Shampoo.

Above-average-cost shampoo is so much better. It is so not worth it to save an extra couple of dollars on shampoo. Same with conditioner. I've been using the cheap stuff until now and my hair just felt like it was getting worse and worse. It's like I felt my hair sigh when I used the new stuff I bought yesterday. My hair is happy as am I.

I am hyper because Vivian came over to 'study' with me for our test tomorrow and we just ended up making dog and cat and other animal growly noises and giggling. Oh and poo on you, Vivian, for scaring me by screaming when you opened my door.

ABSA is so crazy. We spent almost 3 hours 'practicing' volleyball today. Hooray for ABSA winning 3 out of 4 scrimmages against CSA!

All week: Lunch/dinner with Ford, diversity dialogue dinner, company night, career expo, lunch with general mills, absa meeting with general mills, absa camping, absa officer meeting, absa director/officer meeting. oh. and classes and test somewhere in between.

wHeeeeeeee ABSA!

No wanna take test tomorrow...

Naps are bad.

My sleeping schedule is so messed up...
I'm never taking a nap again.

ABSA really is great. I'm so proud of the officers and dedicated old members and enthusiastic new members.

I can't believe so many people show up to our meetings and so many of us old fogie members stayed after the meeting was over until almost 9 o'clock. It's going to be a great year!

Why some people just aren't worth talking to.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

It started raining today on my way back from class. By the time I got to the bus, I was soaked. By the time I walked to my apartment, I was dripping. Then as I walk in the door, there was the loudest clap of thunder I have ever heard in my life. It set off at least half a dozen car alarms. I'm lighting a bunch of candles in case my lights go out.

While talking to Vivian yesterday, she pointed out how when I was with 'older people' (at 2 years my senior she thinks she's ancient) I always seemed to talk about jobs and careers and general 'future' stuff.

I realize throughout my whole life I tended to like to hang out with people older than me. My mom said when I was a kid, instead of sitting at the kids table at family dinners, I'd sit where the adults were (in the corner or under the table) and listen. I'd sit for hours just taking everything in. That's what she attributes to a lot of my non kid-like qualities and thought processes while still very young.

When I started school, I hung out with 'older people.' I tagged along as the little kid sister - in cyc, in junior high cys, in high school. When I got to college and saw the ABSA officers, I admired and wanted so badly to be like them; have the leadership positions, the work experience, the confidence, the knowledge. I took in everything I could from them in hopes that one day, I could have all that also.

And yet, I never feel like I've really gotten there. Because once you attain anything, there is always another step up. And so I keep straining to catch up. It's like as soon as you get used to the pace your running at and think you will finally get to that finish line, you hit hurdles. It never stops.

I think it's gotten to the point where I'm constantly looking ahead and straining to catch up and not really enjoying the present anymore.

I wonder what I can do to slow down without feeling like I'm stopping.

In FIN357 class today, we were going over corporate governance, when I noticed something. So I turn to my fellow classmates during break and ask them all the same question:

Why is it out of all the names on all those lists of board members from all these different corporations, were there so few women?

Here are their first responses:

Guy #1: Because the women are under the desks.

Girl #2: It's a sexist society.

Guy #2: Because men are smarter.

Guy#3: [Thinks for a full 30 seconds] Because these companies have failed to realize the intelligence and beauty of.... [I tune out]

But yeah, basically that was it. If I wasn't a girl I would think answer #1 was pretty funny. Yes, a lot of those answers are made in jest, and were afterwards retracted, but the bottom line is those were the first answers.

Guy #1 later said that it was because women just wanted to be housewives.
Me: Then why come to this business school?
Guy: Because they want to be smarter than the man, but in the end the men are better at business.

So I pose this question:

Girls anD guys - why are there so few women at the top?

Histrionic Obsessive Compulsive Narcissist

2 years ago:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate

Now:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
--Click Here To Take The Test --

Not much has changed except that fact that I've grown more extreme...

Spoiled/lucky?

My sister went home this weekend; I didn't. By the time she woke up, my parents had done her laundry and folded it. The silly goose actually asked who went and folded all her dirty laundry. It's so obvious this is her first trip back from college.

My parents drove her back up to Austin today, along with a cooler chock full of food for me. Even though I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself, my mom had already chopped up the meat so it's easier for me when I want to cook it.

After unpacking the stuff we went to a Japanese restaurant where I was urged to order as many sushi pieces as possible. Then we came back and my dad ironed all my dress shirts while my mom helped me hang up all the clothes I still had in suitcases. There's no point in resisting anymore, because I think they like it. If someone wants to take care of you, why not let them?

I love my mommy and daddy.

Am I spoiled or just lucky? I'd like to think it's the latter.

Moon is a discrace to all Koreans.

Co0LMo0n (12:08:54 AM): you dirty chinese
Demona848 (12:08:56 AM): !!!!!!
Demona848 (12:09:00 AM): that is so mean!
Co0LMo0n (12:09:03 AM): you know
Co0LMo0n (12:09:05 AM): chinese people stink
Co0LMo0n (12:09:23 AM): and coincidently...that rhymes with chink
Co0LMo0n (12:09:24 AM): lol
Co0LMo0n (12:09:26 AM): HAHAHA
Co0LMo0n (12:09:57 AM): sigh*
Co0LMo0n (12:09:59 AM): one point for me
Demona848 (12:10:01 AM): you're evil
Demona848 (12:10:08 AM): i'm blogging your evilness
Co0LMo0n (12:10:11 AM): thank you
Co0LMo0n (12:10:13 AM): what?
Co0LMo0n (12:10:14 AM): how dare you
Demona848 (12:10:16 AM): so people can spam you
Co0LMo0n (12:10:19 AM): lol
Co0LMo0n (12:10:24 AM): ok ok
Co0LMo0n (12:10:29 AM): but what can they say?
Demona848 (12:10:31 AM): i'm posting now
Demona848 (12:10:32 AM): noW!
Co0LMo0n (12:10:35 AM): i didnt lie or anything
Co0LMo0n (12:10:39 AM): the truth hurts
Co0LMo0n (12:10:49 AM): just gotta accept it
Demona848 (12:11:14 AM): you know, koreans DO descend from chinese people
Co0LMo0n (12:11:32 AM): yes
Co0LMo0n (12:11:38 AM): it is sad
Co0LMo0n (12:11:45 AM): but we realized we were wrong and dirty
Co0LMo0n (12:11:48 AM): so we changed our ways
Co0LMo0n (12:12:10 AM): too bad i cant say the same for your kind
Demona848 (12:12:20 AM): AHH!! you need to die

What a dirty racist.
::shakes head::
Stop the yellow on yellow crime...

I have a Dutch professor.

He has such a funny accent. Australian accents are hot, British accents are sophisticated, Italian accents are earthy (and hot), but Dutch... Dutch accents are just kinda weird.

My favorites are 'Thees ees guut' and 'meeestake'. The first syllable is drawn out and then followed by a very short, staccato syllable.

It's very sing-songy, so I can't ever take anything the professor says seriously. He's also not a very serious person, but I guess this is all a good thing for a class called 'Marketing Information and Analysis'. At least I stay awake. His name is Frenkel Ter Hofstede. Can he bE anymore European?